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Author: J. M. Salgado
This is for the unraveling thoughts of a Filipina trying to understand the creatively altered life of herself and the environment that she lives in. Learning to live the life through writing.
Kislap
Tutubi, tutubi, magmadali’t makipot riyan sa tabi
Bakit iba na ang daloy nang iyong paglipad?
Sumasayad at nangangapa sa lupa ang iyong mga palad
Dahan-dahang maglakad paroon sa paaralan
Dahil ang mangmang ay wala raw masasandalan
Maging ang ilang makukulay na paruparo
Sa kung saan-saan na laging nagsisitakbo
Ngayong nakagapos ang mga pakpak
Pilit kinakabisado ang numerong nakatatak
Sa kanilang noo na nagsasabi kung saan sila mapapadpad
Imulat mo ang iyong mga mata at tainga
Magmasid, makinig, magdasal nang taimtim
Di na ito tulad nang kinagisnang lansangan
Kung saan naghahanap lang ng aratiles sa daan
Alitaptap, alitaptap, ang dulo mo’y kumikislap
Hinahanap-hanap mo ba ang pangarap sa sulok-sulok
Ng siyudad na dahan-dahan nang nilamon ng alikabok?
Maging mga mangmang ay palaging may alam
Pagdating sa sinasabi nang iilan sa karamihan
Ni hindi na mabilang ang totoong nagtutulungan
Pero alamin mo pa ring may kislap na ikaw lang ang nakaaalam
Imulat mo lang ang iyong mga mata at tainga
Magmasid, makinig, magdasal nang taimtim
Darating din ang iyong pagkawala
Sa isang gapos ng nakaraan
Maging isang paruparong makulay
Isang tutubing mabilis sumabay
Sa pagbabago pero nananatiling matatag
Isang alitaptap na kumikislap
Nagpapaganda sa dilim na dala ng gabi
Alitaptap, alitaptap, ang dulo mo’y kumikislap
Tutubi, tutubi, magmadali’t makipot riyan sa tabi
Maging ang ilang makukulay na paruparo
Magsasama-sama sa pagpapatuloy,
Sa pagbabago, sa pagkawala sa gapos
Kikislap ang umaga sa kulay ng mga pakpak
Kikislap ang liwanag sa mga matang matitingkad
Kikislap ang gabi dala ng natatanging ilaw
Na di madaling makita sapagkat ilan lamang
Ang may tulad na kislap dala ng kanilang pangarap
Sana isa ka sa kanila, ngayon o bukas
Di mo kailangan magmadali
darating ang iyong paglipad, pagkislap
Broken, but working
Today is the first time I broke my phone’s screen. I dropped my phone with the front screen facing the ground. My heart didn’t really skip a bit but then I was surprised that even with the tempered glass, the actual phone screen shattered (Maybe I am exaggerating on that part, but still).
It is Monday morning. There are a lot of things I have in mind to make the entire day productive and I am actually excited to work on those until I dropped my phone. It has been with me for less than six months and I have a lot of important data in it. The cover of it is broken, but the apps and the keys are still working well. Just like me, there are scars and scratches, but I am still living.
Loving Life One Step at a Time
How to truly love life?
There are times when struggles come hitting the door of my heart so hard that I end up curled up in bed, crying the pain away. As I grew older, those instances lessened; but when they arrive, they seem worse than before. There are a lot of confusion in my mind that somehow it made me numb. Until recently, I was not free from those moments but gradually I had overcome them (and still trying my best to overcome them).
One thing, however, remains constant which is my search for peace. I usually get those whenever I am with friends as well as with my mom (whenever we get to talk). Then, I thought that was it. I was wrong. There were more questions that started bugging me continuously through the years.
A Decision Worth Making
Not until the latter days of 2017 did I realize to make a step to face this problem. I got back to God.
Seeing Beyond the Local Horizon – SG Trip 2018
Traveling has become a popular activity to this generation. It is brought by the search for a diverse connection with people as well as communities beyond the traditional societal setup or so I think. Whichever the reason is, there sure are wonderful lessons as well as memories that each individual can get from visiting different places whether it is locally or abroad.
Continue reading “Seeing Beyond the Local Horizon – SG Trip 2018”
Magandang Umaga, Tara!
Dumudungaw ang mainit na haplos ng liwanag
Mula sa kurtinang dahan-dahang sumasayaw
Sa bawat pagbati ng malamig na hangin
Unti-unting umaangat mula sa sahig na pulang-pula
Mga alaalang binabagtas ang makinis na paalala
Isang bagong umaga ang masayang bumubulaga
Ang tahanang noo’y puno nang sapot na ipinaikot-ikot
Sa may sulok na nalimot na ng panahon
Ngayo’y tahanan na rin nang mga alikabok
Na may bahid ng saya’t lungkot ng kahapon
Mga ngiti nang pag-uunat ng mga sanggol ang sagot
Sa pagbuka nang palad tiyak na ang pagkalimot
Sapagkat sa umagang ito tuluyang babangon
Magsisimula ng bagong pahina sa libro ng pagbabago
Ineng, ineng ang baga ay nasa iyong paanan
Totoy, tara sumigaw nang pagkagilagilalas
Ganito ang hiling ng mga mumunting bumabagtas
Sa dagat na puno ng alon at pag-aalala
Sa kagandahang dapat sana’y noon pa nakita
Dumudungaw ang mainit na haplos ng liwanag
Mula sa kurtinang dahan-dahang sumasayaw
Unti-unting umaangat mula sa sahig na pulang-pula
Mga alaalang binabagtas ang makinis na paalala
Isang bagong umaga ang masayang bubulaga
Looking Back before Moving Forward to 2018
Today, I can say that welcoming my 25th year wouldn’t be that bad after I have grown to know more about myself as well as the different things that truly matter to me. However, before I can move forward to welcoming 2018, there are a lot of experiences that I need to look back to as I reflect and finally put them out of my mind and my heart. This is me letting go of those moments for me to have space for new ones in my head and my heart.
June 2013 – early 2015
- ESL work -> got burned out from it 😦
Right after graduation, there were a lot of experiences that opened my eyes to how different it was to be a student and to be a part of the workforce. I spent almost two years of my post-grad concerns focused on a job which challenged me a lot (physically, mentally, and emotionally).
This was the time I realized that I wasn’t that good enough to be working in this field, but I didn’t let that stop me from doing well. So, I studied, I practiced, I endured, and I became a better ESL (English as a Second Language) teacher than how I thought I could be. Though, there were still a number of times when I truly wanted to cry from exhaustion and just quit. Like why in the first place was I there? I wasn’t even a speech communication graduate; I chose writing as my major!
Honestly, for the first three to five months, I had always thought of quitting. Then, the kids came to the academy. I had to endure all the challenges and faced them head-on. I loved the kids, I loved how I was sharing a part of my knowledge with them, and I love how I was becoming a part of their growth as an individual. As I saw them improve, I felt that I needed to be there to guide them. This was not an entirely good choice, though.
Continue reading “Looking Back before Moving Forward to 2018”
Rekindling the Drive for Writing
As I worked through my new job this year, there had been little time left for me to do any writing. I mean, typing stories or poems for myself. There had been enough hours for me to simply relax and sleep. I wanted time off from facing my Chromebook/laptop that it started to get too dragging to find some quiet moments to engage in my personal writing. I felt like I wasn’t good enough to even go back to this habit of mine that I have been trying to develop since college.
It seems like fair enough for me to at least give myself this nth chance to find the heart to connect words again for an interesting twist of stories or even give life to the different characters I have in mind. But, can I really write better this time?
Maybe, yes, in time. I have to practice concretizing the ideas I have in a comprehensible piece. I was once here, in a similar state, and I needed time then to find my voice, my style of writing. I need to see this opportunity as another beginning where I have to develop the skill and continue polishing my craft. It is not going to be that easy, I know, but I am willing to start doing this passion of mine again. There are steps that I have to make sure I complete.
1. Rebuild the Habit
I have to set a time and place where I can concentrate on my writing – only writing. I have exhausted myself multiple times trying my best to sit down and finish a piece, but I get easily distracted with other “unfinished” tasks. So, for this coming year, I plan to rebuild my writing habit.
I have this particular notebook that I keep handy for notes. When I think of an idea for a story or a poem, I will write this down. Then, when I get home, when I am ready to face my laptop and complete it, I need to focus on it alone. No other tabs online. Perhaps have music as my buddy this time.
2. Read and read more
If there is something I regret this year, it is the habit that I lost – reading. I have a lot of books in the room which I have yet to finish or even open for that matter. I feel really sad thinking that I lost many hours too preoccupied with worrying about work and other related stuff. So, this 2018, I need to keep any work-related concerns in the school and do my writing and reading at home. No distractions from work – only unless it is truly urgent.
Also, in addition to this is to give me the chance to discover new styles and storytelling. I want to find new trends and flavors to writing as I am somehow stuck with my old books and favorite authors’ works solely. I think that I have to visit the bookstores more often or ask friends for recommendations. As I see myself too limited in terms of the genres I read.
3. Do and finish one task at a time
One other concern that has kept me from completing any manuscripts or even good short stories is that I always stay halfway done. I couldn’t seem to finish an entire story well. I let myself be distracted midway and then gradually forgot about the piece I was doing. To address this, I need to fix a certain rule whenever I sit down to write. Maybe, one good thing is that (a) no phones connected to the net while I write; (b) no checking of emails and social media sites; and (c) prioritize well – write them down.
With these three, I hope that I can gradually find my old “writer” self and see new moments to help me create a colorful as well as meaningful works to share with others. It is somehow difficult if I am going to look into it even though I only have to complete three tasks. But, this is for the me that I truly want to be in 2018.
Love Options Before the New Year Starts
First love, love at first sight, or a love that lasts?
Many may instantly pick the last option because it promises a long time for a certain relationship. There is that hopeful feeling of spending love with someone who would actually stay for a while and not simply go on a bliss. But, how about the other two choices? Are they entirely bad picks for someone who is wishing, waiting, or have already experienced that complex event – love?
For me, not really. Even though I am not able to give reasons based on my own personal accounts, I do know that each of those options I provided has its own good point at a particular time in someone’s life. Let’s say for first love, whether it lasts for a few (who end up together) or it’s only a quick stop for many, has a lesson worth keeping. It is a reminder that you are capable of feeling a distinct connection and affection with someone, may it still be puppy love or a late bloomer’s first look at the concept of love. As a person starts that uncomprehensible sensation of butterflies in the stomach, a dozen tingling of ant-like movements from their feet to their bodies, the rush of blood to their cheeks, and the sudden beating of their hearts – love has arrived. Love has finally stopped by to introduce itself to that person.
Aside from that, there’s that dreamlike love at first sight moment that serves a magical twist to the typical meeting of two individuals. Personally, I don’t believe in this, as I try rationalizing it as simply a manifestation of perhaps an early stage of infatuation. But, I’ve heard friends share their love at first sight experiences, and I thought I have no right to question how they felt and how they faced those instances. It was love for them, and for me, only a person can say to him/herself when he/she is in love. No one else can do that for them. So, with those in mind, I can say that this particular magical moment may be a legitimate sensation and experience for those who actually are more self-aware of their emotions and can clearly identify it as love.
At the end, whichever option someone chooses, it is a personal experience that can only be made clear by that person. There are always lessons to every choice made, memories shared, and emotions felt. I perhaps need to open myself more to these possibilities as I bid adieu to 2017 and spread my wings further in 2018. Sure there would be something interesting to capture as I fill my collection of life experiences as well as fun trials along the way.
Ongoing Passion Project
Poetry with a bit of darkness in it.The year 2017 is almost over and in a couple of months, people will be doing their new year’s resolutions again while I’m still stuck on the list that I don’t know where I got the idea from exactly. Nevertheless, in the remaining days of this year, I will work on something that I think (still not sure, though) I can finish. *fingers crossed*
With these two, I hope to go back to my old habits where I am not yet preoccupied with work concerns. The poetry may seem like a hodgepodge of sorts, but, they are because those works were from random pieces I wrote in a span of years. Then, the Estranghero is my chance to bleed some senses to a possible full manuscript. So, here’s a great end to 2017.
