It seems like a late start, but I hope to bring life back to my blog. I haven’t written anything in the past couple of months as I simply tried to find better ways to adjust to my teaching job. Now, I will try to begin a new routine to bring myself back to writing. I hope to continue with this. As a first, let me leave this one here:
Sa pagsayaw ng liwanag ng kandila sa ating harapan
Pakaliwa’t pakanang pagsabay sa ating bawat paghinga
Minsan inaakala nating patapos na ang problemang noo’y nagpahirap
Sa puso nating punong-puno na ng di magagandang alaala
Na may iilang natirang peklat katabi nang unti-unting naghihilom na sugat
Kaso sa bawat hakbang pasulong at sa paglapat ng liwanag
Dahan-dahang nagbabalik ang hapdi sa mga gasgas na naghilom
Na ipinanalangin natin nang taimtim na sana’y di na magbalik
Pero ngayo’y nagbabadyang muling bumukas at magpahirap
Na muling kikirot habang pilit nating huwag pansinin
Kaya yata talaga matalinghaga ang takbo ng ating tadhana
Minsan ang liwanag kasi’y natatakpan ng mga ulap
Na pilit naman nating itinataboy sa pag-ihip
Ng mainit na hiningang nagsasabing
Ako at ika’y buhay pa
Na ano man ang mangyari, may isa pa tayong panangga
Ang huminga at magpatuloy sa pagharap sa kung ano pang ibato ng tadhana
Matuto rin tayong magpahinga upang tayo ay makalaya
Ihanda ang ating mga mata sa pagmasid sa paglubog at pagsikat ng araw
Magasgasan mang muli, kumirot mang muli ang ating mga puso
Mabulag man saglit sa kislap ng liwanag ng mga nakaraan
Tayo ay magpapatuloy, may isa pa tayong hininga
[UPDATE 06/11/2018] This is still a plan and I was not able to really make this into a concrete action. But, it’s never too late to start. Maybe I can finally work on new posts starting this week up to maybe two to three months? 😉
Today, I can say that welcoming my 25th year wouldn’t be that bad after I have grown to know more about myself as well as the different things that truly matter to me. However, before I can move forward to welcoming 2018, there are a lot of experiences that I need to look back to as I reflect and finally put them out of my mind and my heart. This is me letting go of those moments for me to have space for new ones in my head and my heart.
Right after graduation, there were a lot of experiences that opened my eyes to how different it was to be a student and to be a part of the workforce. I spent almost two years of my post-grad concerns focused on a job which challenged me a lot (physically, mentally, and emotionally).
This was the time I realized that I wasn’t that good enough to be working in this field, but I didn’t let that stop me from doing well. So, I studied, I practiced, I endured, and I became a better ESL (English as a Second Language) teacher than how I thought I could be. Though, there were still a number of times when I truly wanted to cry from exhaustion and just quit. Like why in the first place was I there? I wasn’t even a speech communication graduate; I chose writing as my major!
Honestly, for the first three to five months, I had always thought of quitting. Then, the kids came to the academy. I had to endure all the challenges and faced them head-on. I loved the kids, I loved how I was sharing a part of my knowledge with them, and I love how I was becoming a part of their growth as an individual. As I saw them improve, I felt that I needed to be there to guide them. This was not an entirely good choice, though.
As I worked through my new job this year, there had been little time left for me to do any writing. I mean, typing stories or poems for myself. There had been enough hours for me to simply relax and sleep. I wanted time off from facing my Chromebook/laptop that it started to get too dragging to find some quiet moments to engage in my personal writing. I felt like I wasn’t good enough to even go back to this habit of mine that I have been trying to develop since college.
It seems like fair enough for me to at least give myself this nth chance to find the heart to connect words again for an interesting twist of stories or even give life to the different characters I have in mind. But, can I really write better this time?
Maybe, yes, in time. I have to practice concretizing the ideas I have in a comprehensible piece. I was once here, in a similar state, and I needed time then to find my voice, my style of writing. I need to see this opportunity as another beginning where I have to develop the skill and continue polishing my craft. It is not going to be that easy, I know, but I am willing to start doing this passion of mine again. There are steps that I have to make sure I complete.
1. Rebuild the Habit
I have to set a time and place where I can concentrate on my writing – only writing. I have exhausted myself multiple times trying my best to sit down and finish a piece, but I get easily distracted with other “unfinished” tasks. So, for this coming year, I plan to rebuild my writing habit.
I have this particular notebook that I keep handy for notes. When I think of an idea for a story or a poem, I will write this down. Then, when I get home, when I am ready to face my laptop and complete it, I need to focus on it alone. No other tabs online. Perhaps have music as my buddy this time.
2. Read and read more
If there is something I regret this year, it is the habit that I lost – reading. I have a lot of books in the room which I have yet to finish or even open for that matter. I feel really sad thinking that I lost many hours too preoccupied with worrying about work and other related stuff. So, this 2018, I need to keep any work-related concerns in the school and do my writing and reading at home. No distractions from work – only unless it is truly urgent.
Also, in addition to this is to give me the chance to discover new styles and storytelling. I want to find new trends and flavors to writing as I am somehow stuck with my old books and favorite authors’ works solely. I think that I have to visit the bookstores more often or ask friends for recommendations. As I see myself too limited in terms of the genres I read.
3. Do and finish one task at a time
One other concern that has kept me from completing any manuscripts or even good short stories is that I always stay halfway done. I couldn’t seem to finish an entire story well. I let myself be distracted midway and then gradually forgot about the piece I was doing. To address this, I need to fix a certain rule whenever I sit down to write. Maybe, one good thing is that (a) no phones connected to the net while I write; (b) no checking of emails and social media sites; and (c) prioritize well – write them down.
With these three, I hope that I can gradually find my old “writer” self and see new moments to help me create a colorful as well as meaningful works to share with others. It is somehow difficult if I am going to look into it even though I only have to complete three tasks. But, this is for the me that I truly want to be in 2018.
Poetry with a bit of darkness in it.
Poetry with a bit of darkness in it.The year 2017 is almost over and in a couple of months, people will be doing their new year’s resolutions again while I’m still stuck on the list that I don’t know where I got the idea from exactly. Nevertheless, in the remaining days of this year, I will work on something that I think (still not sure, though) I can finish. *fingers crossed*
A work in progress. Still yet to complete.
With these two, I hope to go back to my old habits where I am not yet preoccupied with work concerns. The poetry may seem like a hodgepodge of sorts, but, they are because those works were from random pieces I wrote in a span of years. Then, the Estranghero is my chance to bleed some senses to a possible full manuscript. So, here’s a great end to 2017.
As I grew more familiar with the rich sources of knowledge and interesting tales through various books, novels, and even scripts from plays, I searched for more opportunities to explore and improve my own writing skills. But, there are a lot of times that I get stuck.
The Characters and the Plot
It may be a good start for any piece of writing by having some images of the main characters and getting an idea for the general flow of the story. This is how I usually begin my work. I meet new people who may have a resemblance to the people around me or to my own. Sometimes, it’s sad that I had to give my pain to them as I find ways to build them up again for far greater challenges which lead to wonderful memories as well as better understanding of others and themselves. But, what happens when I forget some of these characters along the way. Many have haunted me, others simply just quieted down to the deepest parts of my mind. Here, I lose the work I’ve started. I get stuck.
Writing, Typing Aimlessly
Habit is an important factor in making any piece of writing work. This is where I am still lacking. Yes, I accept the fact that I used to type every day. I have grown fond of that routine, but that was when I was a student.
When I stepped foot in the professional world, I lost track of the passion that I once had when I took up a writing major. I needed to earn, not only for myself but most importantly for my family. I had two younger siblings who were both in college when I graduated from the university. That particular phase in our family life taught me to let go of my personal wants first and reach out to the members who needed the most.
Still, I tried to sneak in some writing once in a while. I appreciated the wee hours in the morning when there was no noise going around, not the time yet to worry about office responsibilities, and distractions all over the place. However, even with this kind of system, I usually still get stuck and I can’t finish any piece properly. *Properly in the sense that I know the story is done, my characters have had their moments, and I have said what I truly wanted to say.
Now, I have to set time for my passion again even though I know that I am starting to be busier than ever because I have to take care of 100+ kids. 😉
As I find a way back to writing regularly in this blog, I have this Sunday topic that I wish to complete maybe twice a month. I am going to post about my travel experiences as well as some possible stories that I plan on writing soon. So, here’s to more adventures and stories to share!
There are numerous opportunities for me to start bringing life to the unimaginable stories out of my head. But most of the time I slack off instead. After this, I only get frustrated at the end of the day because of wasted hours.
Frustrations
Writing has always been one of my toughest frustrations (next to singing). I’m aware of how random I could be throughout the day, so I’ve got to make use of my productive “break.” However, actual writing tends to come rarely these days. 😥 This is due to my lack of a fixed writing habit. I try to be consistent with my schedule, but distractions meet me which I embrace so openly.
Pumipintig ang sintido ng babaeng nakaupo sa may pasilyo
Bitbit ang kakapiranggot na kita mula sa buong maghapon
Tinatapik-tapik lamang ang ulo,
Nagbabakasakaling mawala ang kirot
Inuulit ang dasal na kinabisado simula pa noon
Aba, Ginoong Maria napupuno ka ng grasya
Sa iilang barya pa, mapupuno na ang kanyang bulsa
Makauuwi na’t makapaghahain ng hapunan
Malugod na pagsasaluhan ng dalawang pamilya
Sa babaeng nakaupo at sa panganay niyang binatilyo
Sa tulong ng patuloy na pamamalimos
Ng inang iniwan ang lahat sa kahapon
Matapang na hinaharap ang takbo ng panahon
Mag-aantanda ng krus, sisimulan ang pagpapasalamat
Ang Panginoon ay sumasaiyo
Isang buong araw na naman ang natapos
Nairaos kahit papaano ang anim na musmos at ang magsing-irog
Bukod kang pinagpala sa babaeng lahat
Pumipintig ang sintido ng babaeng nakaupo sa may pasilyo
Bitbit ang kakapiranggot na kita mula sa buong maghapon
At pinagpala naman
Ang ‘yong anak na si Hesus
Santa Maria, Ina ng Diyos
Ipanalangin mo kaming makasalanan
Ngayon at kung kami’y mamamatay
Amen
