Snaps, Shots, and Shakes hands

Moonlight draws the crowd closer to the sound
Searching for shadows eaten by the nearby ground
Was it a cry or a scream of a boy who has yet to be found
By the party taking snaps of tears falling on the mound

This is the day, the last of summer as they say
People should be jumping for joy and not dismay
But it seemed like November has come early this May
As the shots are heard on the colorful end of day

Tiny steps walk towards the tiny gaps above
A growing smudge of red fills the cover of the glove
Worn by a person smiling, showing some love
Who later cleans his hand as he shakes the escaping dove

A Trip to Loving Myself More

Everyone is on a one-way trip through life. Whether you believe in reincarnation, it won’t happen until another lifetime. 

Love poems, love notes, lovers hugging, billboards reminding of love and romance, romantic TV series and movies; there sure is romance everywhere. But, why does it seem difficult to love me? With the numerous stories passed on from generations to generations, there seems to be that innate need for people to find a partner to “complete” themselves. Have you ever felt lost because of such an idea? I know with me, I have, had, still having those thoughts.

Let me take this as a starting point for my weekly series which I would like to feature in this blog for the month of October: Dreamer’s Confession. With dozens of dreams in my head, wouldn’t it be great to try and explore the possibilities of finding an outlet for them?  Aside from the dreams, there are like hundreds of doubts in my heart which I need to express before fully facing my dreams. With that, the first on the list is love.

Love: Am I lacking it?

Where should I start? For you, where would you start when people ask you about your romantic endeavors or perhaps your own love story?

In my case, I can’t really share anything as my experiences are extremely limited with just my elementary to college crushes. Yes, I am one of the lucky thousands (are we really that many?) who have never been in a relationship. It is somehow difficult to explain how it happened, but at my age, I guess I would give an excuse that no one may have actually liked me to be in a relationship. How such a sweet reason; like it’s not my fault, I may really just be that naive or insensitive.

That’s such a lame reason which I simply need to put the blame on others for not liking me. In reality, I think I never really just let myself take a chance with being in love. I feel comfortable with people around me which is a big leap from my introverted self in elementary and high school, though what exactly is one of the factors which led me to my status right now: single.

Forms of Love

There a lot of experiences in life that leads more to just marriage. In our short journey through the passing of years, there are numerous people to share our love with. I believe that not everyone is meant to get married. Yes, others can have a surprising moment where each one meets for a brief time yet not really have the chance to stay together for the rest of their lives.

Love is not just seen in one form. There are different ways to express it. For you, do you only show one kind of love?

Reasons I make to feel good

There aren’t enough reasons to make myself feel good. But, there is even a wonderful experience of learning to love yourself. I never fully understood the meaning of this until I needed to love myself. There were a lot of insecurities that tried to knock me down as I was growing up. It was so easy to compare myself to others around me (and still is). It even turned into making me the worst critic of myself which led to the feeling of me not being enough. There was even a phase in my life when I wasn’t sure about myself and what I can do or even achieve. That was a difficult point to pick me up. Then through the years of enduring numerous experiences and meeting different types of people, I gradually accepted the love coming from my own. Was it easy? Not really, but it was remarkable and refreshing.

Everyone is on a one-way trip through life..png

Hinga, May Isa Pa

Sa pagsayaw ng liwanag ng kandila sa ating harapan
Pakaliwa’t pakanang pagsabay sa ating bawat paghinga
Minsan inaakala nating patapos na ang problemang noo’y nagpahirap
Sa puso nating punong-puno na ng di magagandang alaala
Na may iilang natirang peklat katabi nang unti-unting naghihilom na sugat

Kaso sa bawat hakbang pasulong at sa paglapat ng liwanag
Dahan-dahang nagbabalik ang hapdi sa mga gasgas na naghilom
Na ipinanalangin natin nang taimtim na sana’y di na magbalik
Pero ngayo’y nagbabadyang muling bumukas at magpahirap
Na muling kikirot habang pilit nating huwag pansinin

Kaya yata talaga matalinghaga ang takbo ng ating tadhana
Minsan ang liwanag kasi’y natatakpan ng mga ulap
Na pilit naman nating itinataboy sa pag-ihip
Ng mainit na hiningang nagsasabing

Ako at ika’y buhay pa

Na ano man ang mangyari, may isa pa tayong panangga
Ang huminga at magpatuloy sa pagharap sa kung ano pang ibato ng tadhana

Matuto rin tayong magpahinga upang tayo ay makalaya
Ihanda ang ating mga mata sa pagmasid sa paglubog at pagsikat ng araw
Magasgasan mang muli, kumirot mang muli ang ating mga puso
Mabulag man saglit sa kislap ng liwanag ng mga nakaraan
Tayo ay magpapatuloy, may isa pa tayong hininga

Seeing Colors – Job, Travel, and Life

Seeing colors

There are a lot of things that I wish I knew, I hope I can still do, and I want to pursue. But at the end of the day, there are just too many to pick and I end up accomplishing nothing. Still, with the hope in my heart and the desire to finally put into work whatever ideas are screaming out of my mind, I take little steps. In those little steps, I learn, and later I see the beauty of a colorful set of life-worthy experiences that help in building the person I am now. Frankly speaking, I do like the way I am now (though there is a number I still want to improve).

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Looking Back before Moving Forward to 2018

Today, I can say that welcoming my 25th year wouldn’t be that bad after I have grown to know more about myself as well as the different things that truly matter to me. However, before I can move forward to welcoming 2018, there are a lot of experiences that I need to look back to as I reflect and finally put them out of my mind and my heart. This is me letting go of those moments for me to have space for new ones in my head and my heart.

June 2013 – early 2015

  • ESL work -> got burned out from it 😦

Right after graduation, there were a lot of experiences that opened my eyes to how different it was to be a student and to be a part of the workforce. I spent almost two years of my post-grad concerns focused on a job which challenged me a lot (physically, mentally, and emotionally).

This was the time I realized that I wasn’t that good enough to be working in this field, but I didn’t let that stop me from doing well. So, I studied, I practiced, I endured, and I became a better ESL (English as a Second Language) teacher than how I thought I could be. Though, there were still a number of times when I truly wanted to cry from exhaustion and just quit. Like why in the first place was I there? I wasn’t even a speech communication graduate; I chose writing as my major!

Honestly, for the first three to five months, I had always thought of quitting. Then, the kids came to the academy. I had to endure all the challenges and faced them head-on. I loved the kids, I loved how I was sharing a part of my knowledge with them, and I love how I was becoming a part of their growth as an individual. As I saw them improve, I felt that I needed to be there to guide them. This was not an entirely good choice, though.

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Dreamers’ Dream

A star twinkles
A planet dies
Then I stay standing
At the corner of the last road
Open for dreamers, workers of faith

I see the sign
Of the blood moon rising
People cheering
For those leaving
Searching for better lives
Not knowing they already have a life

Here, at the same spot
When reality hits fantasy
A star twinkles
A dreamer flies
Off to a new course
But still holding on their own rope

A dreamer leaves
A dead man calls
Sharing false hopes
A shining delight
For a prosperous good night

In a land of strangers
In a valley of sweat and salty cries
As the star twinkles
Shut the eyes of each dreamer
Smiling

I still am
At the corner of the last road
Seeing the rising smoke
A fumigation on going
To clear the brains
Stop the hearts from beating

Learning to Reach Out and Lead

Jpeg

For more than a month, I haven’t had a decent internet connection at home because I have been using my mobile data throughout May. Even though I have been in constant email (and some phone) correspondence with *ehem* Sky Cable Broadband, I still didn’t get my internet connection back. Anyhow, aside from that concern and looking into more positive experiences in the past month, I found time to work on a couple of writing which I hope to accomplish this weekend or roughly within this coming week. Also, I survived two weeks of commuting from my home in Pasig and to Circuit Makati as well as New Manila.

Those two weeks, so far, had me appreciate my work experiences in Ortigas. I didn’t need to take the MRT and two jeepney rides for almost four years. During the first week of my training, almost every moment was new to me. It was difficult because I had to go to work earlier than usual and face hundreds of faces, squished myself in the remaining spaces in the MRT, and inhaled the polluted air from Magallanes to PRC. But, all of those were compensated by the interesting lessons, fun stories, and even the surprising realizations during the orientation. Then, when I almost got the hang of it, the first week was over. Next stop, New Manila.

Honestly, even if I got the hang of riding the MRT and the long commute, I felt excited that I need not go on the same route again (so far). Still, I had to work on my commuting time management skills because I needed to learn how to go on a new route again. This time, it meant surviving the heavy traffic from home to Rosario, Libis, and Cubao. Now, I am happy to say that I worked my way through this challenge well for the past week. This is going to be my routine for maybe the rest of June. With this, I welcome the opportunity for new travel, I mean commute, stories throughout the month. All of these are compensated by opportunities in the classroom as a learning facilitator and somehow a student again. So far, completing two core senior high school domains was a wonderful chance of understanding the basic skills better. Surprisingly, I also enjoyed Math more than English. 😂

There sure are a lot to discover and appreciate. Then, here’s to another week ahead, starting with an interesting scientific experiment.

Hapunan

Pumipintig ang sintido ng babaeng nakaupo sa may pasilyo
Bitbit ang kakapiranggot na kita mula sa buong maghapon
Tinatapik-tapik lamang ang ulo,
Nagbabakasakaling mawala ang kirot
Inuulit ang dasal na kinabisado simula pa noon

Aba, Ginoong Maria napupuno ka ng grasya

Sa iilang barya pa, mapupuno na ang kanyang bulsa
Makauuwi na’t makapaghahain ng hapunan
Malugod na pagsasaluhan ng dalawang pamilya
Sa babaeng nakaupo at sa panganay niyang binatilyo

Sa tulong ng patuloy na pamamalimos
Ng inang iniwan ang lahat sa kahapon
Matapang na hinaharap ang takbo ng panahon
Mag-aantanda ng krus, sisimulan ang pagpapasalamat

Ang Panginoon ay sumasaiyo

Isang buong araw na naman ang natapos
Nairaos kahit papaano ang anim na musmos at ang magsing-irog

Bukod kang pinagpala sa babaeng lahat

Pumipintig ang sintido ng babaeng nakaupo sa may pasilyo
Bitbit ang kakapiranggot na kita mula sa buong maghapon

At pinagpala naman
Ang ‘yong anak na si Hesus


Santa Maria, Ina ng Diyos
Ipanalangin mo kaming makasalanan
Ngayon at kung kami’y mamamatay
Amen

Serenity

Everything seems beautiful at a certain point.

Moments differ for each person. Even if both share one experience at the exact same time, the mind registers a unique kind of memory.

There’s that fine line that separates the reflection the eyes see and the way the heart responds. One may feel happy when a smile breaks the monotony of the day, but shatters the moment for another.