Looking Back before Moving Forward to 2018

Today, I can say that welcoming my 25th year wouldn’t be that bad after I have grown to know more about myself as well as the different things that truly matter to me. However, before I can move forward to welcoming 2018, there are a lot of experiences that I need to look back to as I reflect and finally put them out of my mind and my heart. This is me letting go of those moments for me to have space for new ones in my head and my heart.

June 2013 – early 2015

  • ESL work -> got burned out from it 😦

Right after graduation, there were a lot of experiences that opened my eyes to how different it was to be a student and to be a part of the workforce. I spent almost two years of my post-grad concerns focused on a job which challenged me a lot (physically, mentally, and emotionally).

This was the time I realized that I wasn’t that good enough to be working in this field, but I didn’t let that stop me from doing well. So, I studied, I practiced, I endured, and I became a better ESL (English as a Second Language) teacher than how I thought I could be. Though, there were still a number of times when I truly wanted to cry from exhaustion and just quit. Like why in the first place was I there? I wasn’t even a speech communication graduate; I chose writing as my major!

Honestly, for the first three to five months, I had always thought of quitting. Then, the kids came to the academy. I had to endure all the challenges and faced them head-on. I loved the kids, I loved how I was sharing a part of my knowledge with them, and I love how I was becoming a part of their growth as an individual. As I saw them improve, I felt that I needed to be there to guide them. This was not an entirely good choice, though.

Continue reading “Looking Back before Moving Forward to 2018”

Advertisements

Dreamers’ Dream

A star twinkles
A planet dies
Then I stay standing
At the corner of the last road
Open for dreamers, workers of faith

I see the sign
Of the blood moon rising
People cheering
For those leaving
Searching for better lives
Not knowing they already have a life

Here, at the same spot
When reality hits fantasy
A star twinkles
A dreamer flies
Off to a new course
But still holding on their own rope

A dreamer leaves
A dead man calls
Sharing false hopes
A shining delight
For a prosperous good night

In a land of strangers
In a valley of sweat and salty cries
As the star twinkles
Shut the eyes of each dreamer
Smiling

I still am
At the corner of the last road
Seeing the rising smoke
A fumigation on going
To clear the brains
Stop the hearts from beating

Learning to Reach Out and Lead

Jpeg

For more than a month, I haven’t had a decent internet connection at home because I have been using my mobile data throughout May. Even though I have been in constant email (and some phone) correspondence with *ehem* Sky Cable Broadband, I still didn’t get my internet connection back. Anyhow, aside from that concern and looking into more positive experiences in the past month, I found time to work on a couple of writing which I hope to accomplish this weekend or roughly within this coming week. Also, I survived two weeks of commuting from my home in Pasig and to Circuit Makati as well as New Manila.

Those two weeks, so far, had me appreciate my work experiences in Ortigas. I didn’t need to take the MRT and two jeepney rides for almost four years. During the first week of my training, almost every moment was new to me. It was difficult because I had to go to work earlier than usual and face hundreds of faces, squished myself in the remaining spaces in the MRT, and inhaled the polluted air from Magallanes to PRC. But, all of those were compensated by the interesting lessons, fun stories, and even the surprising realizations during the orientation. Then, when I almost got the hang of it, the first week was over. Next stop, New Manila.

Honestly, even if I got the hang of riding the MRT and the long commute, I felt excited that I need not go on the same route again (so far). Still, I had to work on my commuting time management skills because I needed to learn how to go on a new route again. This time, it meant surviving the heavy traffic from home to Rosario, Libis, and Cubao. Now, I am happy to say that I worked my way through this challenge well for the past week. This is going to be my routine for maybe the rest of June. With this, I welcome the opportunity for new travel, I mean commute, stories throughout the month. All of these are compensated by opportunities in the classroom as a learning facilitator and somehow a student again. So far, completing two core senior high school domains was a wonderful chance of understanding the basic skills better. Surprisingly, I also enjoyed Math more than English. 😂

There sure are a lot to discover and appreciate. Then, here’s to another week ahead, starting with an interesting scientific experiment.

Hapunan

Pumipintig ang sintido ng babaeng nakaupo sa may pasilyo
Bitbit ang kakapiranggot na kita mula sa buong maghapon
Tinatapik-tapik lamang ang ulo,
Nagbabakasakaling mawala ang kirot
Inuulit ang dasal na kinabisado simula pa noon

Aba, Ginoong Maria napupuno ka ng grasya

Sa iilang barya pa, mapupuno na ang kanyang bulsa
Makauuwi na’t makapaghahain ng hapunan
Malugod na pagsasaluhan ng dalawang pamilya
Sa babaeng nakaupo at sa panganay niyang binatilyo

Sa tulong ng patuloy na pamamalimos
Ng inang iniwan ang lahat sa kahapon
Matapang na hinaharap ang takbo ng panahon
Mag-aantanda ng krus, sisimulan ang pagpapasalamat

Ang Panginoon ay sumasaiyo

Isang buong araw na naman ang natapos
Nairaos kahit papaano ang anim na musmos at ang magsing-irog

Bukod kang pinagpala sa babaeng lahat

Pumipintig ang sintido ng babaeng nakaupo sa may pasilyo
Bitbit ang kakapiranggot na kita mula sa buong maghapon

At pinagpala naman
Ang ‘yong anak na si Hesus


Santa Maria, Ina ng Diyos
Ipanalangin mo kaming makasalanan
Ngayon at kung kami’y mamamatay
Amen

Serenity

Everything seems beautiful at a certain point.

Moments differ for each person. Even if both share one experience at the exact same time, the mind registers a unique kind of memory.

There’s that fine line that separates the reflection the eyes see and the way the heart responds. One may feel happy when a smile breaks the monotony of the day, but shatters the moment for another.

Random Reflection of a Busy Panda Bear

Love and Everything in Between– A possibly eye-catching title for a blog post. More clicks, more chances of having new readers, but those don’t matter. This is a random bit of my thoughts to kill the time while waiting for my next class. So, if anyone is interested in reading through this, better have a lot of patience to bring along.

For a couple of weeks, I have been bombarded with too many love posts, heartbreak stories, hugot lines, sudden phone calls from a friend crying over a guy, and many other love-related incidents. This year sure has a lot of the thump-thump of a beating lovebird heart spectacle more than over the last two decades of my life. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been too familiar with the topic when I was younger or that my social circle has simply been exposed to too many sweets, sugary words, and an illusion of romantic circus of a media-centered community.

Love

What is love?

There are seven billion people around the world, including you and me. Put the numbers aside, find a common multiple and bring those together. You’ll get over 3.5 billion pairs regardless of age, gender, race, and many other social standards or classifications.

Many of those pairs live and die without knowing each other. That means whoever you got paired with (in that imaginary computation I did) may never see you or even hear a word about your existence. So, how does this define love? It doesn’t, sort of. I simply want to waste some words and spaces to let me move to the next topic. Please bear with me.

Continue reading “Random Reflection of a Busy Panda Bear”

Cluttered

Every time I try to be honest 
All the things I planned come to an end
With a single line of luck in one hand
No one knows what strikes me inside

Poems reflect who I am
But most of the time it shows who I wish I was
The only means where I am true
Tends to cover up the reality I dwell in 

Broken lines, 

rhyming words,

stories shared, 

LIFE uncovered

Endless means,
Limited space

Dreams and thoughts all collide.

Being Free

Every now and then, this little girl sees through my eyes, beyond my mind, beyond my soul. She tries to delve into the deepest, darkest, most treasured memories, and feelings I have kept to myself for so long. She doesn’t think of anything to spare me from the pain that every move creates. She doesn’t care. She never would.

All she understands is the need to break free. All that was left in her heart were shattered glasses of faith, love, and lost dreams.

The good thing is, this scenario doesn’t happen that often.

Sometimes it comes in the time of solitude.
Sometimes in my sleep.
Sometimes when I am at the pinnacle of happiness.
She gives me a spark of hope,
a sense of humanity,
a reminder of reality,
a savior of my sanity.
Every time she appears, I smile…
because…

I see myself in her EYES…
and
every tear that drops
serves as a step
to my freedom
from life’s lowest
point of survival.

Startled

With the lack of time, my mind can’t seem to function.
Will the heart to write be enough to make things right?
Stupidity is my ever failure and friend
But is it enough to give myself the identity I dread?

Writing lines is not enough
Especially when you do not have the time
Wish I could have the chance
To witness the strength I never had


Another old poem I saved in my google drive