Tag: love

A Trip to Loving Myself More

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Everyone is on a one-way trip through life. Whether you believe in reincarnation, it won’t happen until another lifetime. 

Love poems, love notes, lovers hugging, billboards reminding of love and romance, romantic TV series and movies; there sure is romance everywhere. But, why does it seem difficult to love me? With the numerous stories passed on from generations to generations, there seems to be that innate need for people to find a partner to “complete” themselves. Have you ever felt lost because of such an idea? I know with me, I have, had, still having those thoughts.

Let me take this as a starting point for my weekly series which I would like to feature in this blog for the month of October: Dreamer’s Confession. With dozens of dreams in my head, wouldn’t it be great to try and explore the possibilities of finding an outlet for them?  Aside from the dreams, there are like hundreds of doubts in my heart which I need to express before fully facing my dreams. With that, the first on the list is love.

Love: Am I lacking it?

Where should I start? For you, where would you start when people ask you about your romantic endeavors or perhaps your own love story?

In my case, I can’t really share anything as my experiences are extremely limited with just my elementary to college crushes. Yes, I am one of the lucky thousands (are we really that many?) who have never been in a relationship. It is somehow difficult to explain how it happened, but at my age, I guess I would give an excuse that no one may have actually liked me to be in a relationship. How such a sweet reason; like it’s not my fault, I may really just be that naive or insensitive.

That’s such a lame reason which I simply need to put the blame on others for not liking me. In reality, I think I never really just let myself take a chance with being in love. I feel comfortable with people around me which is a big leap from my introverted self in elementary and high school, though what exactly is one of the factors which led me to my status right now: single.

Forms of Love

There a lot of experiences in life that leads more to just marriage. In our short journey through the passing of years, there are numerous people to share our love with. I believe that not everyone is meant to get married. Yes, others can have a surprising moment where each one meets for a brief time yet not really have the chance to stay together for the rest of their lives.

Love is not just seen in one form. There are different ways to express it. For you, do you only show one kind of love?

Reasons I make to feel good

There aren’t enough reasons to make myself feel good. But, there is even a wonderful experience of learning to love yourself. I never fully understood the meaning of this until I needed to love myself. There were a lot of insecurities that tried to knock me down as I was growing up. It was so easy to compare myself to others around me (and still is). It even turned into making me the worst critic of myself which led to the feeling of me not being enough. There was even a phase in my life when I wasn’t sure about myself and what I can do or even achieve. That was a difficult point to pick me up. Then through the years of enduring numerous experiences and meeting different types of people, I gradually accepted the love coming from my own. Was it easy? Not really, but it was remarkable and refreshing.

Everyone is on a one-way trip through life..png

Love Options Before the New Year Starts

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First love, love at first sight, or a love that lasts?

Many may instantly pick the last option because it promises a long time for a certain relationship. There is that hopeful feeling of spending love with someone who would actually stay for a while and not simply go on a bliss. But, how about the other two choices? Are they entirely bad picks for someone who is wishing, waiting, or have already experienced that complex event – love?

For me, not really. Even though I am not able to give reasons based on my own personal accounts, I do know that each of those options I provided has its own good point at a particular time in someone’s life. Let’s say for first love, whether it lasts for a few (who end up together) or it’s only a quick stop for many, has a lesson worth keeping. It is a reminder that you are capable of feeling a distinct connection and affection with someone, may it still be puppy love or a late bloomer’s first look at the concept of love. As a person starts that uncomprehensible sensation of butterflies in the stomach, a dozen tingling of ant-like movements from their feet to their bodies, the rush of blood to their cheeks, and the sudden beating of their hearts – love has arrived. Love has finally stopped by to introduce itself to that person.

Aside from that, there’s that dreamlike love at first sight moment that serves a magical twist to the typical meeting of two individuals. Personally, I don’t believe in this, as I try rationalizing it as simply a manifestation of perhaps an early stage of infatuation. But, I’ve heard friends share their love at first sight experiences, and I thought I have no right to question how they felt and how they faced those instances. It was love for them, and for me, only a person can say to him/herself when he/she is in love. No one else can do that for them. So, with those in mind, I can say that this particular magical moment may be a legitimate sensation and experience for those who actually are more self-aware of their emotions and can clearly identify it as love.

At the end, whichever option someone chooses, it is a personal experience that can only be made clear by that person. There are always lessons to every choice made, memories shared, and emotions felt. I perhaps need to open myself more to these possibilities as I bid adieu to 2017 and spread my wings further in 2018. Sure there would be something interesting to capture as I fill my collection of life experiences as well as fun trials along the way.

I am ready to fall in love

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Has anyone really been ready to love?
Is there a certain schedule that you can mark in your calendar and finally set aside for a couple of days, weeks or even months? If there is such a thing, I wish someone could tell me the proper steps right now.

Is there a certain schedule that you can mark in your calendar and finally set aside for a couple of days, weeks or even months? If there is such a thing, I wish someone could tell me the proper steps right now.

Throughout the years, I have learned to simply shrug off the comments of people around me asking, telling, and sometimes, arguing on my current romantic/relationship status. There were moments from high school to my university days that people around me started meeting new circles of friends, enjoyed the companies of other cliques, and dated people they thought were “the one.” Now, I think with the many stories I’ve heard, and first-hand experiences that I’ve witnessed throughout those years, I also learned to stay aloof from the feelings of jealousy as my friends spent more time with their significant others; anger as they share their pains from a failed relationship; and distrust as they introduce new faces with glee and beaming smiles. In that process, I’ve led myself to a comfortable state of sympathy, empathy, and patience. But, there’s that particular feeling that I missed, curiosity.

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“Falling In Love At A Coffee Shop”

I think that possibly, maybe I’m falling for you
Yes there’s a chance that I’ve fallen quite hard over you.
I’ve seen the paths that your eyes wander down
I want to come too

I think that possibly, maybe I’m falling for you

No one understands me quite like you do
Through all of the shadowy corners of me

I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop
I love so much
All of the while I never knew
I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop
I love so much
All of the while I never knew

I think that possibly, maybe I’m falling for you
Yes there’s a chance that I’ve fallen quite hard over you.
I’ve seen the waters that make your eyes shine
Now I’m shining too

Because oh because
I’ve fallen quite hard over you

If I didn’t know you, I’d rather not know
If I couldn’t have you, I’d rather be alone

I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop
I love so much
All of the while I never knew
I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop
I love so much
All of the while, I never knew

All of the while, all of the while,
it was you

Love Poem (1)

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How I wish, somehow, someone writes a poem while thinking of me
How I wish that the next song to play is mine to keep

Selfish

All pretty things happen in fairy tales
And today’s not that time to write myself one

Pity

Yeah, quite pathetic at first
But helpful, refreshing at some intervals
Still, how I wish the next poem’s for me,
about me,
or  even just
a memory of me

At least there’s a part of assurance that someone
sees (saw) me

Selfish
I know yet I need this dose of fantasy even just for a moment

Pity

It’s okay…
I’m fine.

I also pity myself sometimes.

Paghihintay sa Alaala

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Gaano katagal ang isang taon para makalimot?
Inisip na tama ang naging desisyon
Lumayo para lumago at matuto
Pero ngayon, puso ang nadudurog

Sa kuwento na lamang nakikita
Di man lang sa panaginip nabuo ang alaala
Nagsulat, nanuod, nagbasa, naglaho ng lubusan
Ginawa ang lahat para ikaw ay makalimutan

Pero sa iilang pasaring na lang lumalaya
Bawat litanyang iniiwasan, kalasag ng ngiti ang pananggalang
Mula sa mga kaibigang akalang nakatutulong
Sa pagbibigay ng payo at mga kuwento tungkol sa iyo

Doon, doon na lang bumabalik

Iyon ang maling pagkakaintindi nila
Na ang tayo ay tanging parte ng isang alaala
Higit pa sa mga eksena sa pelikula
Damdamin ko ang sinasabuyan
Ng iba’t ibang pangamba

Kailan kaya matututong lumayo?

Kailan maghihilom ang sugat ng alaala mo?

Ngayon ay hinihintay pa rin
Pagbabalik ng alaala nating dalawa,
Pero mukhang ako na lang ang nag-aabang
Ako na lang muna ang magpapakalaya

Desisyon ko ba ay mali?
Hindi.
Alam kong magiging masaya rin ako sa huli.
—–
Isang tulang isinulat para sa hiling ng isang kaibigan. Sana makalaya na siya.

Still Oblivious but Learning

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When he gives you time, does that mean it’s already a sign
That he’s interested in investing his heart?

When he asks about you, does that mean he cares
Or simply an instinct he’s compelled to do?

There are so many possibilities. Different answers, varying timing.

Guard your heart.

Guard your heart to the sudden jolt of emotion.
Guard it against the surprising attention.
Guard but keep yourself open.
Guard but listen.

After all, maybe it’s time to give love a chance.

Thoughts in response to people’s concerns about my (perpetually)  single status and their constant curiosity about my actions toward this matter. These are the questions that I still don’t have answers to, but hopefully, in time, I might finally discover the answers to them. 

Random Reflection of a Busy Panda Bear

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Love and Everything in Between– A possibly eye-catching title for a blog post. More clicks, more chances of having new readers, but those don’t matter. This is a random bit of my thoughts to kill the time while waiting for my next class. So, if anyone is interested in reading through this, better have a lot of patience to bring along.

For a couple of weeks, I have been bombarded with too many love posts, heartbreak stories, hugot lines, sudden phone calls from a friend crying over a guy, and many other love-related incidents. This year sure has a lot of the thump-thump of a beating lovebird heart spectacle more than over the last two decades of my life. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been too familiar with the topic when I was younger or that my social circle has simply been exposed to too many sweets, sugary words, and an illusion of romantic circus of a media-centered community.

Love

What is love?

There are seven billion people around the world, including you and me. Put the numbers aside, find a common multiple and bring those together. You’ll get over 3.5 billion pairs regardless of age, gender, race, and many other social standards or classifications.

Many of those pairs live and die without knowing each other. That means whoever you got paired with (in that imaginary computation I did) may never see you or even hear a word about your existence. So, how does this define love? It doesn’t, sort of. I simply want to waste some words and spaces to let me move to the next topic. Please bear with me.

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I’m okay, so please understand

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I don’t regularly post about my personal experiences online. There’s no urgency or even the need to share anything about my daily routine or some of the fascinating moments I get to do during the day. But today, it’s different. Not that I suddenly accomplished some extraordinary project, it’s simply difficult to keep the thoughts to myself. My friends also have their own concerns that I so gladly listen to, oh so regularly now. Worries of making mistakes to the woes of the heart.

Dozens of people around me look so happy. Yes, they are. That’s good. I am, too.

This is going to be random, so bear with me if you are still interested in reading. 

I listen. I do. I understand most of the time and I try my best to stay longer; reading between the lines or even beyond those. So, whenever people around me start to share, I keep quiet or give a couple of short responses to let them know that I’m still with them. Not simply nodding in approval with those wandering all over the place. They don’t look for someone to butt in after every statement. They want ears to hear their thoughts, arms to grab them for a long hug or even just another being willing to spend some time with them.

This is a common and proper courtesy to give to anyone who wants to share their feelings. How I wish I also get the same from new friends I meet.

Nowadays, I’m not sure why almost everyone around starts to have their unbearable troubles with relationships, love, emotions, commitment, and the likes. It’s okay to think about these things at times, it’s just that I’m being “exposed” to so many of these for weeks now. IT’S DRAINING.

Though the situation may sound dreary already, there’s still something worse. I get to share my own “love concerns.” This is where things don’t seem too well on my part.

When people get surprised, they talk A LOT. We (yes, including myself) tend to overreact to situations/events/experiences that seem unusual based on our own “standards” because we try to find the meaning behind those scenarios. So, it’s no surprise that people who hear me share about my SSB (single since birth) status freak out most of the time. Some are better in hiding their surprise while others, not so much. Honestly, that’s not bad but when they end up giving me lectures, love advice, not believing a word I say or even frankly asking me questions like Anong problema sa iyo? (What’s wrong with you?). Damn! Those words sting.

At the end of the conversation, the problem of being single is undoubtedly part of my actions or even simply of my being.

I smile and stay as polite as I could be, but when I remember those moments, it hurts. I have my own insecurities, flaws, mistakes, and other worries to carry on my shoulders. I may look so jolly most of the time and shrug those comments off, but how I hope that people can become more sensitive.

Looking intimidating, being strong, trying to be outspoken, staying in touch with friends… Since when did these traits become a negative characteristic of a person? Though, intimidating isn’t that much of a friendly impression. Still, I don’t think that I’m strange. Everyone is strange depending on each individual standard. I can be random, chatty, and importunate, but I know my boundaries. This doesn’t mean that being in a relationship is …

I think this is going to be a long rant, so will keep some for intimate talks with friends. Just wanted to put some of my thoughts for a while, online. In public.