Going Back to my Passion Part 1

Wala ka na bang ibang trabaho? (Don’t you have another job?)

That was a striking question that I received from my doctor last March 2019 when I went to have my check up because I had been having difficulties speaking. I thought then that it may just be a swollen throat as I had been speaking for hours on end due to my job. I really thought that I would only need a couple of days of medication and then I’d be fine. I wasn’t ready for that question of my doctor. It made me rethink of the various tasks I had at work. I love teaching, however, I had to ask myself if I should continue or not. This moment was definitely a heavy one for me as the first months of the year had me emotionally and mentally drained.

Roller-coaster of choices

Growing up, I had always thought of my mother’s work as interesting and fun. It was a job that seemed to have a lot of interesting activities as well as stories to tell every day. I truly enjoyed watching my mother prepare for her classes, not knowing how difficult that was. So, with that kind of background, I wanted to be a teacher as well.

However, as the years passed by, I met an aunt who graduated with a degree in accountancy. She lived with us for a couple of years, which had me thinking that I wanted to be like her. Then so during the latter years of my elementary, my dream profession changed.

A few more years and I entered high school where I had to be in the special science section. I had to learn various advance classes from mathematics, statistics, research, and the sciences. With that condition, I had to wake up at around 3:00 am, work on some last minute class homework, and prepare for my commute. I had to make sure that I arrive at school before 7:00 am and go home by 5:30 pm.

Yes, that schedule was my day-to-day routine, not including the travel time going to and coming from school plus the after hours group activities as well as weekend practices for other extracurricular ones. Where did I get my energy then? I think it was a wonderful decade of my childhood. ๐Ÿ˜€

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Life Library

Do you have the list?
Red, black, and blue inks all over.
A book that’s full of all their names.


Those people who came, left, loved you.

Oh, there’s no list.

Do you simply remember everyone?
Even the minute line across their faces,
The path of each tear drop or
The smile that faded away

No. How can I?


There aren’t simply a short list
A description of moments shared
But maybe a library of emotions felt
Of feelings shared and lessons learned

Next time, please don’t forget
Maybe get a card for a record

Return on time

Memories of a High Schooler

In a couple of weeks, 2016 is almost over. Today seemed like a great time to look back into some of the memories of my younger years.

Nerdy yet Fun High School

There weren’t much to do when I was in my teens. I was the typical girl who went to school, studied her lessons, followed the rules, and stayed at home. I was only an active, playful, young girl in my elementary days. So, I tried to find some interesting activities when I was in high school. This was the period when I met a lot of friends who gave color to my usually predictable days.

For four years, I was with a group of friends who were all brilliant, funny, clever, and unique in their own ways. We shared a lot of time reading books, sharing stories, finishing group assignments, answering exams, and presenting skits/reports in front of the class. Those memories helped build lasting relationships and opened opportunities to learn about our own personalities. ย Even though everyone looked nerdy and grade conscious (being in the top section), we still knew how to enjoy a break. Some of the activities in the years we stayed in the school (2005-2009) were simple yet fun and interesting *but, I think many would not be able to relate with this now* ๐Ÿ˜›

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Everything seems beautiful at a certain point.

Moments differ for each person. Even if both share one experience at the exact same time, the mind registers a unique kind of memory.

There’s that fine line that separates the reflection the eyes see and the way the heart responds. One may feel happy when a smile breaks the monotony of the day, but shatters the moment for another.

Paghihintay sa Alaala

Gaano katagal ang isang taon para makalimot?
Inisip na tama ang naging desisyon
Lumayo para lumago at matuto
Pero ngayon, puso ang nadudurog

Sa kuwento na lamang nakikita
Di man lang sa panaginip nabuo ang alaala
Nagsulat, nanuod, nagbasa, naglaho ng lubusan
Ginawa ang lahat para ikaw ay makalimutan

Pero sa iilang pasaring na lang lumalaya
Bawat litanyang iniiwasan, kalasag ng ngiti ang pananggalang
Mula sa mga kaibigang akalang nakatutulong
Sa pagbibigay ng payo at mga kuwento tungkol sa iyo

Doon, doon na lang bumabalik

Iyon ang maling pagkakaintindi nila
Na ang tayo ay tanging parte ng isang alaala
Higit pa sa mga eksena sa pelikula
Damdamin ko ang sinasabuyan
Ng iba’t ibang pangamba

Kailan kaya matututong lumayo?

Kailan maghihilom ang sugat ng alaala mo?

Ngayon ay hinihintay pa rin
Pagbabalik ng alaala nating dalawa,
Pero mukhang ako na lang ang nag-aabang
Ako na lang muna ang magpapakalaya

Desisyon ko ba ay mali?
Alam kong magiging masaya rin ako sa huli.
Isang tulang isinulat para sa hiling ng isang kaibigan. Sana makalaya na siya.

Burning Desire

Boiling with hot steam coming through
Tingling more than usual
Thoughts fill the empty space
Between myself and the dying race

Dreams stay for a while
Until someone shatters them apart
With words that pierce across the heart
Burning but not killing the self inside

It’s worst than any other things
Surrounding the days that pass by
Denial comes after the great plunge
It stings, deep within the rush of blood

Veins burst but life still flows
Through all the trials it lasts
Unknown to the self until the end
It is the desire to survive

A desire to do well in this time
Hoping to continue even when failure is the end
It burns inside the self beyond understanding
To live and live well, let it burn, let it grow

Nurture the burning desire until the end is at reach

Laro Tayo

Ang mga batang nagtatakbuhan
Bitbit-bitbit ang pares ng tsinelas
Sa dalawang palad na nakabukas
Kasabay ng mga ngiting sagad-sagad
Mistulang walang problemang inaalala
Kundi ang matapik ang susunod
Magiging taya at magsisi-hagulgol
Sa nakatutuwang pagtilapon
Ng kaibigang natalisod

Mapupuno ang kalsada
Halakhak, patutsyada’t sigawan
Ng mga musmos na nag-uunahan
Upang matapos ang laro ng buong tapang
Lulubugan ng araw na puno ng pawis at dumi sa katawan
Pero ngiti pa rin ang kanilang ibabaon
Sa pagsalubong sa nakahandang hapunan

Sayang hindi na ito ang pumupuno
Sa kalsadang nilalakaran ng marami ngayon
Nawala ang mga batang nagrarambulan
Tanging sa alaala at panaginip na lang yata makikita
O kapag pinilit maglaro sa klase sa eskwelahan
Doon na lang matatanaw ang kinalakihang kasiyahan
Ngunit mga nakasimangot na mukha ang babati
Sa larong pinaghihirapang saglit na balikan
Sana kahit ngayon ay makatagpo
Magyayaya ng “Laro tayo!”

Metallic Memory

Three-thirty in the afternoon, the whole small town of Shale grew quiet. The cool, strong winds came and Alex looked out of the window and saw it all. The sky was blue with the peaceful shades of soft white clouds. The sun was hiding behind them, taking a break. Alex knew better, and closed her eyes as she inhaled all of it. The sweet smell of the fallen leaves from the mango tree nearby. There was a moist forming on her cheeks when the wind touched her face. This made her smile.

As she continued to get everything all at once, her hair tossed over her eyes, then a rusty smell of rotting metal followed. Her eyebrows started to curve. She didn’t like the smell. Still, she opened her arms wide open, eyes closed, and putting her arms slowly across her chest for an embrace.

I hope he was…

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