Of Weddings and Rainy Days

As the door opens, the bright shine of the sun gives a quick blinding trap for the guests’ eyes. Right then, as their eyes adjust to the light, they see the silhouette of another bright gem entering the hall. This moment is the start of till death do us part.

How does a wedding’s captivating bride’s first walk become when it’s the rainy season already? Plus, in the middle of a global pandemic, will the wedding bells still ring for the lovely couples out there.

Wedding Bells, Dreams Coming Alive

Tens and thousands of people tie the knot in 12 months. Many pleasant dreams come true each day of the year, yet some worries also begin at that moment.

Is it true that after such a happy moment, teardrops will come after this? That sure is a unique scene to watch as happy cries turn to shouts and painful tears after just a couple of years. Couples endure and push through as the storm comes and goes. Wouldn’t it be a memorable experience to go through this stage together?

Recently, there has been news of celebrity couples separating. Many fans are affected as they learn that the one they thought to be happy ever after love story turns to a messy news break. There sure is a lot still hoping to have their celebrity idols/crushes fight for their “fairy tale” love affair. However, that is not how life goes.

I may not exactly be the best person to talk about this; however, with the people around me and my age, I think I somehow get a better idea of how people make relationships. There is this dream state when everyone is still in the sweet stage of entering a relationship, but then when the “spark” disappears, they end it there as well. Something that I learned from my parents who have had (still have) struggles in their married life, is that staying in a relationship is a commitment that both parties should make.

Commitment and Endings

Quit Facebook for a week? No, that’s too much.

Go on a diet for a month? Halfway through the month, you say, “Nope. This is not for me. I love how I am now.” Then you go stop eating healthier.

There sure are a lot of challenges along the way that make it difficult for you to stay committed to a task that you started in the first place. You may think that it is just a normal phase; however, the often you quit in the middle of such activity, the worse you feel.

The same goes for the commitment in a relationship. Well, not entirely on the same weight of responsibility, but you may have a picture of this by now. Still, no matter the action you wish to put in this kind of scenario, there will always be that little yet painful thorn in the middle of the process. It is a chance where couples need to re-evaluate somehow the way they go through their relationships and later on, their marriage.

Why am I writing a piece about this in the first place? Honestly, it is a simple answer to seeing inspiration from several acquaintances who are getting married. Even my closest friends are engaged by now. ❤

The knowledge of my friends tying the knots somehow gave me that hope for the future that even with the difficulties of today, people will still look forward to the coming new beginnings. With this, I am not saying that couples should all get married. I believe that each one has a unique path to take, distinct moments to experience, and the right time to find their own life goal. Many may not even be the marrying type, that even single-blessedness is a gift from God. This reflection for today is simply a reminder to look at the little blessings that may come into my life every day. It may not be the moment to walk down the aisle and say I do, however, it is a chance for me to realize that there is that sweet delight in seeing people in love and are willing to commit in a relationship. This kind of decision is a glimmer of hope that no matter what happens in the future, and despite a global pandemic, they are willing to take responsibility by promising a lifetime next to their partner. The pouring rain now is welcomed as a blessing instead of a bad omen.

I know many will not agree to these realizations/observations of mine. I welcome those thoughts as it is a time for us to look into our daily lives beyond the walls of our homes. We may still be in quarantine. However, we can always connect with others; choose well who you keep in your circle. There is much negativity out there, yet there are still tons of positive stories, experiences, scenarios, and even people who are just waiting to be discovered. So, let’s look up in the sky and hug the new rain coming as we see the smile form on the bride’s lips as she walks towards the new hope she picked.

Love Options Before the New Year Starts

First love, love at first sight, or a love that lasts?

Many may instantly pick the last option because it promises a long time for a certain relationship. There is that hopeful feeling of spending love with someone who would actually stay for a while and not simply go on a bliss. But, how about the other two choices? Are they entirely bad picks for someone who is wishing, waiting, or have already experienced that complex event – love?

For me, not really. Even though I am not able to give reasons based on my own personal accounts, I do know that each of those options I provided has its own good point at a particular time in someone’s life. Let’s say for first love, whether it lasts for a few (who end up together) or it’s only a quick stop for many, has a lesson worth keeping. It is a reminder that you are capable of feeling a distinct connection and affection with someone, may it still be puppy love or a late bloomer’s first look at the concept of love. As a person starts that uncomprehensible sensation of butterflies in the stomach, a dozen tingling of ant-like movements from their feet to their bodies, the rush of blood to their cheeks, and the sudden beating of their hearts – love has arrived. Love has finally stopped by to introduce itself to that person.

Aside from that, there’s that dreamlike love at first sight moment that serves a magical twist to the typical meeting of two individuals. Personally, I don’t believe in this, as I try rationalizing it as simply a manifestation of perhaps an early stage of infatuation. But, I’ve heard friends share their love at first sight experiences, and I thought I have no right to question how they felt and how they faced those instances. It was love for them, and for me, only a person can say to him/herself when he/she is in love. No one else can do that for them. So, with those in mind, I can say that this particular magical moment may be a legitimate sensation and experience for those who actually are more self-aware of their emotions and can clearly identify it as love.

At the end, whichever option someone chooses, it is a personal experience that can only be made clear by that person. There are always lessons to every choice made, memories shared, and emotions felt. I perhaps need to open myself more to these possibilities as I bid adieu to 2017 and spread my wings further in 2018. Sure there would be something interesting to capture as I fill my collection of life experiences as well as fun trials along the way.

I am ready to fall in love

Has anyone really been ready to love?
Is there a certain schedule that you can mark in your calendar and finally set aside for a couple of days, weeks or even months? If there is such a thing, I wish someone could tell me the proper steps right now.

Is there a certain schedule that you can mark in your calendar and finally set aside for a couple of days, weeks or even months? If there is such a thing, I wish someone could tell me the proper steps right now.

Throughout the years, I have learned to simply shrug off the comments of people around me asking, telling, and sometimes, arguing on my current romantic/relationship status. There were moments from high school to my university days that people around me started meeting new circles of friends, enjoyed the companies of other cliques, and dated people they thought were “the one.” Now, I think with the many stories I’ve heard, and first-hand experiences that I’ve witnessed throughout those years, I also learned to stay aloof from the feelings of jealousy as my friends spent more time with their significant others; anger as they share their pains from a failed relationship; and distrust as they introduce new faces with glee and beaming smiles. In that process, I’ve led myself to a comfortable state of sympathy, empathy, and patience. But, there’s that particular feeling that I missed, curiosity.

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Still Oblivious but Learning

When he gives you time, does that mean it’s already a sign
That he’s interested in investing his heart?

When he asks about you, does that mean he cares
Or simply an instinct he’s compelled to do?

There are so many possibilities. Different answers, varying timing.

Guard your heart.

Guard your heart to the sudden jolt of emotion.
Guard it against the surprising attention.
Guard but keep yourself open.
Guard but listen.

After all, maybe it’s time to give love a chance.

Thoughts in response to people’s concerns about my (perpetually)  single status and their constant curiosity about my actions toward this matter. These are the questions that I still don’t have answers to, but hopefully, in time, I might finally discover the answers to them. 

Random Reflection of a Busy Panda Bear

Love and Everything in Between– A possibly eye-catching title for a blog post. More clicks, more chances of having new readers, but those don’t matter. This is a random bit of my thoughts to kill the time while waiting for my next class. So, if anyone is interested in reading through this, better have a lot of patience to bring along.

For a couple of weeks, I have been bombarded with too many love posts, heartbreak stories, hugot lines, sudden phone calls from a friend crying over a guy, and many other love-related incidents. This year sure has a lot of the thump-thump of a beating lovebird heart spectacle more than over the last two decades of my life. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been too familiar with the topic when I was younger or that my social circle has simply been exposed to too many sweets, sugary words, and an illusion of romantic circus of a media-centered community.


What is love?

There are seven billion people around the world, including you and me. Put the numbers aside, find a common multiple and bring those together. You’ll get over 3.5 billion pairs regardless of age, gender, race, and many other social standards or classifications.

Many of those pairs live and die without knowing each other. That means whoever you got paired with (in that imaginary computation I did) may never see you or even hear a word about your existence. So, how does this define love? It doesn’t, sort of. I simply want to waste some words and spaces to let me move to the next topic. Please bear with me.

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I’m okay, so please understand

I don’t regularly post about my personal experiences online. There’s no urgency or even the need to share anything about my daily routine or some of the fascinating moments I get to do during the day. But today, it’s different. Not that I suddenly accomplished some extraordinary project, it’s simply difficult to keep the thoughts to myself. My friends also have their own concerns that I so gladly listen to, oh so regularly now. Worries of making mistakes to the woes of the heart.

Dozens of people around me look so happy. Yes, they are. That’s good. I am, too.

This is going to be random, so bear with me if you are still interested in reading. 

I listen. I do. I understand most of the time and I try my best to stay longer; reading between the lines or even beyond those. So, whenever people around me start to share, I keep quiet or give a couple of short responses to let them know that I’m still with them. Not simply nodding in approval with those wandering all over the place. They don’t look for someone to butt in after every statement. They want ears to hear their thoughts, arms to grab them for a long hug or even just another being willing to spend some time with them.

This is a common and proper courtesy to give to anyone who wants to share their feelings. How I wish I also get the same from new friends I meet.

Nowadays, I’m not sure why almost everyone around starts to have their unbearable troubles with relationships, love, emotions, commitment, and the likes. It’s okay to think about these things at times, it’s just that I’m being “exposed” to so many of these for weeks now. IT’S DRAINING.

Though the situation may sound dreary already, there’s still something worse. I get to share my own “love concerns.” This is where things don’t seem too well on my part.

When people get surprised, they talk A LOT. We (yes, including myself) tend to overreact to situations/events/experiences that seem unusual based on our own “standards” because we try to find the meaning behind those scenarios. So, it’s no surprise that people who hear me share about my SSB (single since birth) status freak out most of the time. Some are better in hiding their surprise while others, not so much. Honestly, that’s not bad but when they end up giving me lectures, love advice, not believing a word I say or even frankly asking me questions like Anong problema sa iyo? (What’s wrong with you?). Damn! Those words sting.

At the end of the conversation, the problem of being single is undoubtedly part of my actions or even simply of my being.

I smile and stay as polite as I could be, but when I remember those moments, it hurts. I have my own insecurities, flaws, mistakes, and other worries to carry on my shoulders. I may look so jolly most of the time and shrug those comments off, but how I hope that people can become more sensitive.

Looking intimidating, being strong, trying to be outspoken, staying in touch with friends… Since when did these traits become a negative characteristic of a person? Though, intimidating isn’t that much of a friendly impression. Still, I don’t think that I’m strange. Everyone is strange depending on each individual standard. I can be random, chatty, and importunate, but I know my boundaries. This doesn’t mean that being in a relationship is …

I think this is going to be a long rant, so will keep some for intimate talks with friends. Just wanted to put some of my thoughts for a while, online. In public.

Love Story 101

No one took a risk

Some wanted it ASAP
Others later,

But fear took over

Step one

Step two
Heart beats faster

Step three
Fear takes over

Still nonexistent
‘Coz no one took a risk

No one wants to risk
A friendship
A connection
A lasting relation

Step four
Miss the chance
A love story remains
Slowly being forgotten

Missing Close Encounters

Blood moves slowly
Building red cloth along
Even with cuts and scars
It continues to flow with ease

Heart pumps more
Filling each vein alive
Trying to save from breaking
Functions merely for living not feeling

It had lived
All these times, alone
Nothing comes close to it
It knows no other beating heart

Each pump hurts
Veins expand too big
Blood longing for something different
Someone, if possible, someone to share

Emotions aren’t much
Other than labels inside
Brain knows too well, but
Heart is blinded, covered from it

Once it felt
New rush passes through
Veins, blood, heart all together
Until it had that close encounter

The hand moved
It sent a message
A lasting sensation that’s missing
For more than a decade now

When will it come back
Will it also remember me?
Or it will be different
Far away, forgotten

One-sided not Reflected

One waited for a friend
Willing to listen and recommend
A way of living to last a day
For a little longer, flashes like a ray

Never knew it could end
To a final breaking bend
When one declines with a nay
Towards a sudden romantic way

It’s not wrong to love, I said
Confessing is like walking on a thread
Adrenaline rushes but then falls
Trial for hitting the floor but crushes to the wall

Love gives beautiful sets
But it takes a lot of bets
Running after the other is not the way
It can be a deadly slay

It’s not always a happy ending
So please stop pretending
Once the answer is given
Just remember and let it be forgiven