Great Beginning, Failed Ending

Whenever I try to write something out of the blue, there are dozens of ideas popping out of my mind. Sometimes my writing can’t run as fast as the thoughts spreading all over my head. This is when I become too lazy to browse through the words, images, or sounds under the pile. So, I begin a story with colorful settings, engaging actions, interesting characters, but as it progresses, the life withers. Slowly. Fading. My mind catches too many distracting new sights, music, words, etc. etc.

This tale goes on and on for days, weeks, months, or even years. A great story half untold lies beneath the mountain of wavering spirits and forgotten dreams. Sometimes I am able to walk back. Scan those unfinished works and do my best to continue where I left. But the feeling isn’t the same. The memories are only fragments of myself. Change is inevitable. That half-written great poem, short story, or novel will never be the same. All of those beginnings might sound inspiring, charming, or even fascinating. In reality, none of them will have a great ending.

I write like this. As I learn more about myself, the random, annoying side of me takes over. Great beginning, but ultimately failed and dragging ending leads the writing.

Bookworm Experience: From Comics to Novels

Books weren’t really my personal companion growing up. I did enjoy some colorful illustrations from my fairy tale books or school readings. Pictures spoke more to me than words did. Maybe because I was still learning my letters, but still this was me until that “magical” moment came. A time that made my twice a month fascination with the local comic books.

By Felix_Nine (https://www.flickr.com/photos/gulliverarkham/)

By Felix_Nine  I really can’t find the ones I read, but most of them are like this or…

Who would have thought that there were treasures hidden along the crowded piles of paper on the book stand just a few minutes away from home? No one else except my father. 😀

Unlike my parents who grew up with many Filipino comic books available around them, I had to search for my copies. It was difficult for an elementary student to do that then. 😦 It was in the late 1990s to early 2000 when I walked around the house and annoyed my father to get me one. When he brought home these komiks, I cheered up and found myself on the floor reading through the pages, excited! The characters introduced me to funny, intellectual dialogues, with some strange set-ups in between. Some supernatural scenarios and even superheroes that are closer to me because of the Philippine style added to them. The quirky faces came alive and made the stories more interesting though those moments were short-lived. Because the publication of local komiks was on the decline. Many children preferred getting stuck with their TV sets on or read through the more expensive, foreign comic books.

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Soft

I remember Hans walked slowly, looking down on his foot. He was counting every brick, I guess. He greeted me every day, but I thought he forgotten it that day. But I saw him in the middle of the road. It was a busy hour, and I rushed to call him back. Everything was slow and fast, I got deaf for a while. Horns were crying from every car.

Yes, I saw Hans.

He looked at me and waved. I thought he meant hello, but I read his lips. He said, “Goodbye.”

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Playwright’s Dilemma

There were times that I tried to make myself believe in dialogues more than just lines. When I was in the university, I can’t find much satisfaction with the writing outputs that I have. I was not sure of the type of writer I wanted to be.

In my last year in the university, I was given the chance to write two one act plays. It was not easy!

Inspiration and drive came almost at the last minute before submission. I was terrified of the possible results, but later on surprised of the outcome. My professor back then was a noted Palanca awardee and a playwright. Before becoming his student, I was really amazed of the plays that he wrote. I watched two of his works staged and was looking forward for more. So, when the class started, there was a heavy weight on my shoulder feeling like, “How can I not embarrass myself here?”

Writing dialogues and giving directives for a play were not my strong points. I usually write poems, short stories, and essays. This was a tough challenge for me. I could make much sophisticated ideas come alive. It served as a training ground for me. Then satisfaction came right after an approval from my professor. It was surreal. 🙂

My dilemma of finding a voice, became my strength because I pushed myself more and I had positive results. To this, I’ll try to write more stories and even theatrical plays. I might still be in for more surprises.