How to Get Back Up from a Slump?

Crying your eyes out early in the morning isn’t a great start for the day, but still getting up and preparing for work is a huge step in facing the day better. In fact, even just the thought of trying is a strong choice to make to begin the day. However, it is not that easy to do every single time this moment happens. This is something I realized just recently when I got to the lowest point of my physical, emotional, and even mental threshold; with the latter, an event that is totally new to me.

Calm Before the Storm

A quick background about me, I am the eldest of three and I just turned 26 this year which, I guess, stirred up a lot of unsettled emotions and thoughts within me. Growing up as the eldest child in a Filipino family setup means opening myself to maturity at an earlier stage compared to my siblings; though this may be the case with many other first borns.

Even when I was just in Grade 1, I remember having to do household chores at home as well as keeping an eye on my baby sister and my youngest brother. They are only roughly more than a year apart, unlike with me who is two years older than my sister and four years older than my brother. I thought it was a typical situation and simply enjoyed the days.

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Hiling

Hindi lang sa Quiapo nakikinig ang butihing Maykapal
Minsan sa paglalakad ay may Aleng makapagtatanggal
Sa mga munting itinatagong sugat, siya’y may itatapal
Ilahad lang palad at uuwi ka nang may bagong dangal

Huminga at itigil muna ang iyong mahabang paglalakad
Marahang ibukas at ipakita ang linya ng iyong kanang palad
Umupo sa silya at maghintay sa tapat ng mesang malapad
Na dala lagi ng Aleng bihasa na sa ganitong pamamalakad

Kung di pa sapat, itanong ang laman ng iyong isipan
Maiging magmasid nang iyong lubos na maunawaan
Ang misteryong ipinagdiriwang sa harapan ng simbahan
Buksan ang mga mata sa dalang tunay na kasagutan

Kung itong mga pagbasa ay hindi pa rin sasapat
May isa pa namang baon ang Ale na maaaring ipangtapat
Sa kung ano pa mang kailangan ng iyong pagsisipat
Inaakalang ang sagot ay nagpapalaki lang sa mga lamat

Pula, berde, dilaw, ano ang kulay ng iyong kahilingan?
Pumili lang sa may Aleng nakaabang sa iyong harapan
Tiyak na ang isip mo ay unti-unting malilinawan
Sa panalangin mo kasi ang mga kandila ay may dalang kasagutan

Snaps, Shots, and Shakes hands

Moonlight draws the crowd closer to the sound
Searching for shadows eaten by the nearby ground
Was it a cry or a scream of a boy who has yet to be found
By the party taking snaps of tears falling on the mound

This is the day, the last of summer as they say
People should be jumping for joy and not dismay
But it seemed like November has come early this May
As the shots are heard on the colorful end of day

Tiny steps walk towards the tiny gaps above
A growing smudge of red fills the cover of the glove
Worn by a person smiling, showing some love
Who later cleans his hand as he shakes the escaping dove

A Trip to Loving Myself More

Everyone is on a one-way trip through life. Whether you believe in reincarnation, it won’t happen until another lifetime. 

Love poems, love notes, lovers hugging, billboards reminding of love and romance, romantic TV series and movies; there sure is romance everywhere. But, why does it seem difficult to love me? With the numerous stories passed on from generations to generations, there seems to be that innate need for people to find a partner to “complete” themselves. Have you ever felt lost because of such an idea? I know with me, I have, had, still having those thoughts.

Let me take this as a starting point for my weekly series which I would like to feature in this blog for the month of October: Dreamer’s Confession. With dozens of dreams in my head, wouldn’t it be great to try and explore the possibilities of finding an outlet for them?  Aside from the dreams, there are like hundreds of doubts in my heart which I need to express before fully facing my dreams. With that, the first on the list is love.

Love: Am I lacking it?

Where should I start? For you, where would you start when people ask you about your romantic endeavors or perhaps your own love story?

In my case, I can’t really share anything as my experiences are extremely limited with just my elementary to college crushes. Yes, I am one of the lucky thousands (are we really that many?) who have never been in a relationship. It is somehow difficult to explain how it happened, but at my age, I guess I would give an excuse that no one may have actually liked me to be in a relationship. How such a sweet reason; like it’s not my fault, I may really just be that naive or insensitive.

That’s such a lame reason which I simply need to put the blame on others for not liking me. In reality, I think I never really just let myself take a chance with being in love. I feel comfortable with people around me which is a big leap from my introverted self in elementary and high school, though what exactly is one of the factors which led me to my status right now: single.

Forms of Love

There a lot of experiences in life that leads more to just marriage. In our short journey through the passing of years, there are numerous people to share our love with. I believe that not everyone is meant to get married. Yes, others can have a surprising moment where each one meets for a brief time yet not really have the chance to stay together for the rest of their lives.

Love is not just seen in one form. There are different ways to express it. For you, do you only show one kind of love?

Reasons I make to feel good

There aren’t enough reasons to make myself feel good. But, there is even a wonderful experience of learning to love yourself. I never fully understood the meaning of this until I needed to love myself. There were a lot of insecurities that tried to knock me down as I was growing up. It was so easy to compare myself to others around me (and still is). It even turned into making me the worst critic of myself which led to the feeling of me not being enough. There was even a phase in my life when I wasn’t sure about myself and what I can do or even achieve. That was a difficult point to pick me up. Then through the years of enduring numerous experiences and meeting different types of people, I gradually accepted the love coming from my own. Was it easy? Not really, but it was remarkable and refreshing.

Everyone is on a one-way trip through life..png

Wednesday Poetry

It seems like a late start, but I hope to bring life back to my blog. I haven’t written anything in the past couple of months as I simply tried to find better ways to adjust to my teaching job. Now, I will try to begin a new routine to bring myself back to writing. I hope to continue with this. As a first, let me leave this one here:

Good Morning

Adulting: Struggles of Letting Go

Have you ever experienced a day when you just blurt out statements like ‘Shocks, I’m getting old!’ or ‘Seriously? How old are you?’? I have those moments now, but I’m not even close to turning 30. I just hit the sweet quarter of a hundred mark and yet I feel somehow overwhelmed on how ‘adult’ I should be after that particular age. I think of how “Oh dear, my officemate doesn’t know this or that anymore’; ‘The bills are here already!’; ‘I want to do that but I’m tired.’ Don’t those statements just sound sad?

In modern references, it is just a part of ‘adulting’ which everyone in their working years must face. However, as it seems to be a natural thing to happen, why are there a number of us who struggle with it?

Keeping Up with the Young Ones

Get Updated

I think that there are times when the younger generation is catching up so fast in terms of age, but our sentiments are leagues away. This is one factor in how our ‘adulting’ becomes evident, and how this phenomenon seems like a burden. We start comparing our own memories to the ones who we somehow feel like us during those years.

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Hinga, May Isa Pa

Sa pagsayaw ng liwanag ng kandila sa ating harapan
Pakaliwa’t pakanang pagsabay sa ating bawat paghinga
Minsan inaakala nating patapos na ang problemang noo’y nagpahirap
Sa puso nating punong-puno na ng di magagandang alaala
Na may iilang natirang peklat katabi nang unti-unting naghihilom na sugat

Kaso sa bawat hakbang pasulong at sa paglapat ng liwanag
Dahan-dahang nagbabalik ang hapdi sa mga gasgas na naghilom
Na ipinanalangin natin nang taimtim na sana’y di na magbalik
Pero ngayo’y nagbabadyang muling bumukas at magpahirap
Na muling kikirot habang pilit nating huwag pansinin

Kaya yata talaga matalinghaga ang takbo ng ating tadhana
Minsan ang liwanag kasi’y natatakpan ng mga ulap
Na pilit naman nating itinataboy sa pag-ihip
Ng mainit na hiningang nagsasabing

Ako at ika’y buhay pa

Na ano man ang mangyari, may isa pa tayong panangga
Ang huminga at magpatuloy sa pagharap sa kung ano pang ibato ng tadhana

Matuto rin tayong magpahinga upang tayo ay makalaya
Ihanda ang ating mga mata sa pagmasid sa paglubog at pagsikat ng araw
Magasgasan mang muli, kumirot mang muli ang ating mga puso
Mabulag man saglit sa kislap ng liwanag ng mga nakaraan
Tayo ay magpapatuloy, may isa pa tayong hininga

Seeing Colors – Job, Travel, and Life

Seeing colors

There are a lot of things that I wish I knew, I hope I can still do, and I want to pursue. But at the end of the day, there are just too many to pick and I end up accomplishing nothing. Still, with the hope in my heart and the desire to finally put into work whatever ideas are screaming out of my mind, I take little steps. In those little steps, I learn, and later I see the beauty of a colorful set of life-worthy experiences that help in building the person I am now. Frankly speaking, I do like the way I am now (though there is a number I still want to improve).

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Plan for 2018

[UPDATE 06/11/2018] This is still a plan and I was not able to really make this into a concrete action. But, it’s never too late to start. Maybe I can finally work on new posts starting this week up to maybe two to three months? 😉

Magandang Umaga, Tara!

Dumudungaw ang mainit na haplos ng liwanag
Mula sa kurtinang dahan-dahang sumasayaw
Sa bawat pagbati ng malamig na hangin

Unti-unting umaangat mula sa sahig na pulang-pula
Mga alaalang binabagtas ang makinis na paalala
Isang bagong umaga ang masayang bumubulaga

Ang tahanang noo’y puno nang sapot na ipinaikot-ikot
Sa may sulok na nalimot na ng panahon
Ngayo’y tahanan na rin nang mga alikabok
Na may bahid ng saya’t lungkot ng kahapon

Mga ngiti nang pag-uunat ng mga sanggol ang sagot
Sa pagbuka nang palad tiyak na ang pagkalimot
Sapagkat sa umagang ito tuluyang babangon
Magsisimula ng bagong pahina sa libro ng pagbabago

Ineng, ineng ang baga ay nasa iyong paanan
Totoy, tara sumigaw nang pagkagilagilalas
Ganito ang hiling ng mga mumunting bumabagtas
Sa dagat na puno ng alon at pag-aalala
Sa kagandahang dapat sana’y noon pa nakita

Dumudungaw ang mainit na haplos ng liwanag
Mula sa kurtinang dahan-dahang sumasayaw

Unti-unting umaangat mula sa sahig na pulang-pula
Mga alaalang binabagtas ang makinis na paalala

Isang bagong umaga ang masayang bubulaga