How to truly love life?
There are times when struggles come hitting the door of my heart so hard that I end up curled up in bed, crying the pain away. As I grew older, those instances lessened; but when they arrive, they seem worse than before. There are a lot of confusion in my mind that somehow it made me numb. Until recently, I was not free from those moments but gradually I had overcome them (and still trying my best to overcome them).
One thing, however, remains constant which is my search for peace. I usually get those whenever I am with friends as well as with my mom (whenever we get to talk). Then, I thought that was it. I was wrong. There were more questions that started bugging me continuously through the years.
A Decision Worth Making
Not until the latter days of 2017 did I realize to make a step to face this problem. I got back to God.
Yes, I always believed in Him. I continued praying and believing, but I felt that something was lacking. That made me realize that I let the busyness of life took a toll on my relationship with God. I got burned out from my first job; experienced the hurt of feeling not good enough to land a new job; got lost through my career path; and many intermittent days of questioning my decisions. I guess with that, I had an early midlife crisis.
There were so many things happening all at the same time. Yes, I have always been thankful for the blessings I received and even the troubles I faced, but I only realized after my I Love Life Retreat last March 17 that I haven’t fully overcome my struggles. I needed to love life as how God wanted me to. With that, it was the most painful when I saw that it was me who have not forgiven myself for all the events that happened in the past. But now, I have surrendered all to Him and I feel lighter. I feel in my heart that worries are His as well. I am walking together with Jesus and through him, I am bridging my life to what God truly has in store for me.
I am now taking my steps carefully in loving life more than before. This time I am not alone.
*Featured/cover photo captured by Diane Capili