Engine Starts: Great Ramblings

I so badly wanted to write again. However, I simply let myself slip into a great slump throughout the years. I got too busy with work and only thought of surviving the years by completing my tasks. Now, I feel defeated as I try to bring myself up and running again, but my hands are stuck on the keyboard, and my eyes are fixated on the blinking of the cursor.

It appears then disappears and repeats the same cycle over and over. I wanted it to make me sleepy so I could rest, but it further woke my mind in overdrive. Overthinking has never been so busy as it is today when I try to find the right words to say. Does everything have to make sense? I’m not sure. But excuse my ramblings as I only wish to begin doing something, anything to get me started.

The years have brought me great pains and joys as they always come together, though I couldn’t seem to start narrating even a single episode from my life. It’s two years since the massive pandemic happened, yet not much has changed. Well, except for the fact that I am now in my ninth month living in a foreign land. It was a sudden yet not-so-sudden decision. I had the dream of living abroad and teaching in Japan, but I was too scared to try. Why? Because of financial issues as well as some self-degrading lack of confidence. I had that phase, but I finally moved past it. Time is too precious that I do not want to waste it in self-loathing or self-pity.

Anyhow, another thought that came to mind for trying again is that I realized that I cannot control tomorrow. I do not have any idea how many more tomorrow I would have, so it is better to make the most of my day. After all, the Lord has provided me with a great chance to live one more day. Maybe this is now the chance to do something and pick myself up again. Today, I will start to keep a record again. I hope it goes well.


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