Yakapin

Early greetings from the silence of the approaching dawn have become my regular companion these past few months. There is that particular calling that wakes me up from the restraining and exhausting cycle of my dreams. Dreams that I could not even remember at all. The only thing that those dreams have left me are exhaustion or sometimes regret I could not fully comprehend. Has that ever happened to you?

In my case, I think all of those emotions are caused by my overthinking. I thought I had gotten over this habit of mine. However, as this year started, I came back to keeping this habit well and alive again. Sad but true. Perhaps it is the fact that I entered a new decade in my life this year and that thoughts of concerns, questions, hopes, aspirations, and even regrets came flooding me. My nightly slumber tries to keep me afloat because if not, I may end up drowning in my own thoughts and worries. Yes, worries.

Anxious thoughts keep me up or mainly suddenly pull me into a recurring series of dreams that I always forget but would always keep in my heart. Those dreams that would leave me exhausted and not fully capable of doing anything productive in my waking hours. Yet, here I try to make the most of the situation by putting some of my thoughts into actual writing.

I am, after all, a person who gets overstimulated at times to the point of extreme procrastination. Yes, I am, most likely, an escapist in this sense. There is so much potential in each day I am given yet I fail to use those hours properly because I end up paralyzed by voices in my mind. Voices that I have made whenever I make these random internal dialogues to rationalize my ideas. However, they all gradually boil up to a sense of indecisiveness.

Still, I am learning. I realize that even if I am in this state right now, it is okay to let it be. There is still hope of escaping such a dreadful routine as I am now taking responsibility for these thoughts. I am aware that action must be taken to get me out of this concern.