Yakapin

How do you move forward when you are frozen in your tracks? 

Have you ever felt paralyzed even though you know you have so much to give, so many chances to create? This is only one of the numerous concerns that bombard my mind whenever I want to start something new. When I try to draw out plans for my next creative move, a dreadful pang hits my chest. The sad and regretful thing is, I let these concerns consume me. 

It may be an overused expression, but we truly are our worst enemies. Hearing the constant voice in my head telling me “you can do this” clashes with the other side of me, which always feeds on worries and uncertainty. I go through endless revisions because I fear that people will gain nothing from what I share. Perhaps they’ll find fault in every little detail that I miss or point out every mistake I make. My brain overloads, my body feels numb. Zero completed works – countless unfinished ones.

I stare at the screen and scroll through all the works I’ve abandoned. Worlds, characters, scenarios, and other creative ideas my imagination gifted me. But I failed them by overthinking and simply letting myself get distracted, dissuaded by my own anxious thoughts. This continuous cycle has carved a deep pit in my being – one I’ve dug myself throughout the years. Yet, people see me as confident at work, unaware of the dozens of unfulfilled dreams I once let myself create.

Still, among all these uncertainties, I’ve built a new space for growth. I am slowly coming to understand that creating something, despite all its imperfections, is a victory in itself. Each word I write, each story I start, brings me closer to rediscovering the dreams I once abandoned. Perhaps, it is this drive to always come back to writing, showing up and simply ignoring the loud cries of doubts, that can help me finally step closer to completing the stories that are just waiting for me to tell. It may still be a challenging feat, but I’m gladly accepting it.