Getting Back my Time

Have you ever felt like you needed more time in a day? Maybe, you have felt that at the end of the two dozens of hours, everything you did with your time was not that productive at all. Well, if you never felt this way, I am happy for you and how I wish that you may be able to share that with me.

On my part, I have had a lot of those moments when I simply couldn’t believe that more than 18 hours of my day went down the drain of unproductiveness. I felt disappointed with myself because after all, it was my own decision and action that led me to not do anything worth my time. Of course, there was once that time when I had never gotten tired of filling my schedule with tasks. It seemed that I always had the energy for various activities in one day that end, I felt fulfilled and satisfied with the way I used my hours. But gradually, as I got older, I slowly forgot about that drive.

Lost Focus

I got too focused with work that whenever I have a free time, I’d rather sleep or use my phone. I think that I got too attached to my device that I also skipped my usual habit of reading. I lost the motivation to continue with my passion projects as well. I built a mindset that I have exerted a lot of energy to work and that I simply deserve a relaxing time; idly tinkering with my phone or watching loads of hours of TV series/dramas. Then when the sun went down, I’d crawl with a burden of disappointment as I wasted my day that didn’t help in leading me closer to any of my life goals. Though, arguably, I was able to rest, but was the stress after it worth the random acts of fulfillment? Not so sure about that.

With that in my memory, I have to make sure that I move back to finding a better focus. Each of us will have a different priorities in our lives as we have distinct paths in reaching whatever we find as worthwhile life goals. In the years after graduating from the university, my priorities changed. My understanding of categorizing various events as well as tasks into priorities leaned closer to my family. My dreams changed as well. They aren’t as far-fetched as when I was younger; I became more realistic. This kind of experience both had it’s pros and cons.

There were days that somehow, I felt that days won’t be any better. The days just seemed to become a routine. Luckily, with my job, teaching students brought a lot of delight (as well as headaches). It was not easy, but I found the fulfillment. Until one day, I got too burned out. I realized that it was important to have a balance with work and rest. I also needed proper guidance for me to continue with doing work well.

I may be capable of doing my task properly with less guidance, but it would always have been better if there is a mentor who could share insights. I, after all, am an individual who wished to perform still better than what I do in the present. Moreover, I learned that being with the right set of people could affect my actions.

I learned to let go of my worries. I started facing my fears – the worry that I may not be doing well, emotionally, physically, and even mentally. I needed a redirection for my heart to be well. This is when I went back to God.

Initially, there was denial as I was not confident in facing the Lord again with the fear of rejection. But, I went back to the encounter I had long before when I received Him and then I remembered that I shouldn’t be afraid. This is when I realize that I need to make new commitments to help me stand up from the slump that I put myself in for the past year.

Commitment

There were days when I still struggle, but with a few more little steps to make, I hope that I could do better and retrieve my time. I may have wasted hours simply being lazy or doing random things that I thought would help me get better. Now, I wish to make a few commitments to let me start refocusing my goals to a life worth living – to a life where God is leading.

  1. Devout a quiet time with God – this should be on the top of my list. Not everyone may agree with me, but this is where I can get strength. Having to start a commitment with anything, without proper guidance would definitely double the difficulty. I have learned that with my faith in the Lord, I gain strength to face many trials. I may not be enough, but God is more than enough.
  2. Learn a new skill – it’s not that easy, but I hope to start getting my time back by changing my focus to something that can help me get better in the future. I may not be that young, and learning a new set of skills may take longer, but it’s worth a try. I personally would like to start learning any of these skills: a new language, swimming (as I am still very much afraid of deep water), and driving (yes, I still don’t know how to drive at this age).
  3. Keep up with an exercise routine – I’m not getting any much stronger and younger each day. I need to begin looking after myself, which includes taking care of my health. I do, honestly, slowly feel the drag of muscle pain as I work on a few exercise movements. This is something that I know I should have started much earlier. 😉 Also, this is an act that lets me take care of the body the Lord has lent me. After all, I need to stay strong to fulfill the plans He has for me.
  4. Go back to creating small passion projects – I have left some of my childhood dreams behind thinking that I would never be able to do them any justice at this age. But, I also learned that doing so won’t help me in any way, reaching a better appreciation of my life. I like reading stories and creating some of my own ones. Perhaps, I need to start doing so and sharing them to people who may wish to also read new stories that can help them ignite the flame of passion in their hearts.

Let’s see how these will end and I hope that I would find the strength to begin them now.

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