My Worst Enemy: Myself

The touch of the wind changes through the different seasons. The wind brings delight to those looking forward to the sweet scent of the summer breeze. Others, however, begin trembling as they await the massive gushes of the monsoon time. Are these distinct emotions we feel as we witness the seasons change, something so familiar that we see our lives sway with the wind as well? However, with a closer look, all the emotions are manifestations of our thoughts and worries. The wind simply signals the beginning of the season, but it is us who make use of it, run away from it, or merely ignore those warnings.

As we walk outside our house, there is an unseen threat that has been a concern for millions of people around the globe. We stayed quarantined for more than a year now, yet there has been no certainty that the global pandemic is under control. We simply need to live again and move to the “new normal.” Does this mean that we are safe as long as we follow procedures? Most likely, but it is not a certainty. Dozens of questions flood our minds; tens more come in the form of hopeful sighs. During this time, I think we look at ourselves too closely or too loosely to face challenges rationally. 

With a week of Enhanced Community Quarantine (ECQ) again in the region, has anything changed? Or are we back to square one? The memories of 2020 have yet to be erased from our minds. However, it seems like those memories are simply kept for record-keeping but not a helpful moment for learning any meaningful insights. Now, the pain is getting nearer to home. The COVID-19 pandemic has brought forth the reality that has been with us for a couple of decades already, yet we ignored them for our own comfort. Now, the values that we have mean the most. Yet, those values do not seem to manifest in our decisions, actions, and even wishes for the future. We are living within the storyline of the scariest sci-fi movie we have watched – we have to face reality. However, as I look into the virtual communities, many of us have been running away from the massive extent of the pandemic. Many have dismissed our government’s underlying problems, our communities’ worries, and our people’s living as a whole.

The struggles are becoming too much for individual people to handle. There have been beautiful hearts and generous individuals who have had no more left to give. Even the thought of sharing their time seems too exhausting, as no definite change is seen. At a moment like this, perhaps we can look at ourselves and be critical of our thinking, decision-making, and even aspirations of helping. Maybe once we see our worst enemy in ourselves, we can become the heroes we needed to see in the present reality. Perhaps then we can also look into the environment we live in and realize that there is still hope. We are people who can make it, but not simply because of our so-called resilience, but more so because it is the proper action to take, and we have finally realized its importance. My voice may be weak right now, yet I also carry a load of worry and pain, but I am willing to listen. I am eager to understand the complex emotions that have been bothering me for the past year. 

I know that it is easier to simply dissociate myself from all of the events happening beyond my immediate social, economic, and even communal circle. However, as the rest of the Filipinos continue to face the pandemic’s harsh hits, I could see that my circle would soon be affected. Honestly, I may have only been too afraid to confess the effects of this global concern to my own experiences even though I know that it has hit so hard already. I need to take the small steps to finally manage my own response to the country’s worries and troubles and the region I live in to find comfort and bring forth new aspirations. After all, the months change, but the wind simply signals the beginning of the season, but it is us who make use of it, run away from it, or merely ignore those warnings. 

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