Remembering the quarantine

More than half of the year has passed, and about five months have been under quarantine, from the enhanced community quarantine (ECQ) to modified enhanced community quarantine (MECQ), general community quarantine (GCQ), and so on. Many of us may have gone through different phases of emotional and even physical distress during those times.

I have been fine in the early weeks of quarantine. However, as I needed to work on various school requirements and family concerns, emotions came rushing in with no warning. In those times, I think that the worst experience is when my mind wanders off to past events, dreams, and plans—having the time to reflect also made it challenging to focus on and appreciate the present.

Is it the same with everyone?

I can never present my experiences as the same as everyone else’s. We all have our moments and our ways of facing our giants. We may have similarities in our experiences and the emotions that we carry, yet we can never say that we are the same. Instead, we can declare that we can relate to each one. This global health pandemic has truly left a scar in the hearts of many. A scar that will remind us of the events that brought thousands of deaths, thousands of people jobless, and many more sad memories we have to carry in the coming years. However, does it end there?

During the quarantine, I felt distressed early in the morning when some memories of plans made and canceled, dreams never started, or even simple tasks that I could do anymore greeted me. It did seem that my mind was my worst enemy during those moments. In hindsight, people may think that it is easy to control your mind from presenting those memories. However, that is not the case for me. I believe that our minds, our thinking, serve the most drastic punch to our hearts.

Hope is still there

Despite all those moments of weakness, I am still able to find hope. There are mornings where I pause and let those thoughts accompany me for a while. However, once I get the strength to move, I pray. This moment is where I learned that I need to offer everything to the Lord as I know that I cannot face my giants alone. There is this sense of fear lurking to eat me alive once I welcome it to my day. Yet, as I listen to music, read the Bible, or devotional for the day, I feel reassured by the Lord’s great presence and promise.

This experience may not be the case for everyone right now as we find ways to fight our giants the best we can. However, it is also a good reminder to know that we are not alone in this battle as we have the loving Father to help us, guide us, and walk with us through all these trials. I pray that this new week can bring us peace in our minds and hearts. Happy Sunday!

Of Weddings and Rainy Days

As the door opens, the bright shine of the sun gives a quick blinding trap for the guests’ eyes. Right then, as their eyes adjust to the light, they see the silhouette of another bright gem entering the hall. This moment is the start of till death do us part.

How does a wedding’s captivating bride’s first walk become when it’s the rainy season already? Plus, in the middle of a global pandemic, will the wedding bells still ring for the lovely couples out there.

Wedding Bells, Dreams Coming Alive

Tens and thousands of people tie the knot in 12 months. Many pleasant dreams come true each day of the year, yet some worries also begin at that moment.

Is it true that after such a happy moment, teardrops will come after this? That sure is a unique scene to watch as happy cries turn to shouts and painful tears after just a couple of years. Couples endure and push through as the storm comes and goes. Wouldn’t it be a memorable experience to go through this stage together?

Recently, there has been news of celebrity couples separating. Many fans are affected as they learn that the one they thought to be happy ever after love story turns to a messy news break. There sure is a lot still hoping to have their celebrity idols/crushes fight for their “fairy tale” love affair. However, that is not how life goes.

I may not exactly be the best person to talk about this; however, with the people around me and my age, I think I somehow get a better idea of how people make relationships. There is this dream state when everyone is still in the sweet stage of entering a relationship, but then when the “spark” disappears, they end it there as well. Something that I learned from my parents who have had (still have) struggles in their married life, is that staying in a relationship is a commitment that both parties should make.

Commitment and Endings

Quit Facebook for a week? No, that’s too much.

Go on a diet for a month? Halfway through the month, you say, “Nope. This is not for me. I love how I am now.” Then you go stop eating healthier.

There sure are a lot of challenges along the way that make it difficult for you to stay committed to a task that you started in the first place. You may think that it is just a normal phase; however, the often you quit in the middle of such activity, the worse you feel.

The same goes for the commitment in a relationship. Well, not entirely on the same weight of responsibility, but you may have a picture of this by now. Still, no matter the action you wish to put in this kind of scenario, there will always be that little yet painful thorn in the middle of the process. It is a chance where couples need to re-evaluate somehow the way they go through their relationships and later on, their marriage.

Why am I writing a piece about this in the first place? Honestly, it is a simple answer to seeing inspiration from several acquaintances who are getting married. Even my closest friends are engaged by now. ❤

The knowledge of my friends tying the knots somehow gave me that hope for the future that even with the difficulties of today, people will still look forward to the coming new beginnings. With this, I am not saying that couples should all get married. I believe that each one has a unique path to take, distinct moments to experience, and the right time to find their own life goal. Many may not even be the marrying type, that even single-blessedness is a gift from God. This reflection for today is simply a reminder to look at the little blessings that may come into my life every day. It may not be the moment to walk down the aisle and say I do, however, it is a chance for me to realize that there is that sweet delight in seeing people in love and are willing to commit in a relationship. This kind of decision is a glimmer of hope that no matter what happens in the future, and despite a global pandemic, they are willing to take responsibility by promising a lifetime next to their partner. The pouring rain now is welcomed as a blessing instead of a bad omen.

I know many will not agree to these realizations/observations of mine. I welcome those thoughts as it is a time for us to look into our daily lives beyond the walls of our homes. We may still be in quarantine. However, we can always connect with others; choose well who you keep in your circle. There is much negativity out there, yet there are still tons of positive stories, experiences, scenarios, and even people who are just waiting to be discovered. So, let’s look up in the sky and hug the new rain coming as we see the smile form on the bride’s lips as she walks towards the new hope she picked.

A Trip to Loving Myself More

Everyone is on a one-way trip through life. Whether you believe in reincarnation, it won’t happen until another lifetime. 

Love poems, love notes, lovers hugging, billboards reminding of love and romance, romantic TV series and movies; there sure is romance everywhere. But, why does it seem difficult to love me? With the numerous stories passed on from generations to generations, there seems to be that innate need for people to find a partner to “complete” themselves. Have you ever felt lost because of such an idea? I know with me, I have, had, still having those thoughts.

Let me take this as a starting point for my weekly series which I would like to feature in this blog for the month of October: Dreamer’s Confession. With dozens of dreams in my head, wouldn’t it be great to try and explore the possibilities of finding an outlet for them?  Aside from the dreams, there are like hundreds of doubts in my heart which I need to express before fully facing my dreams. With that, the first on the list is love.

Love: Am I lacking it?

Where should I start? For you, where would you start when people ask you about your romantic endeavors or perhaps your own love story?

In my case, I can’t really share anything as my experiences are extremely limited with just my elementary to college crushes. Yes, I am one of the lucky thousands (are we really that many?) who have never been in a relationship. It is somehow difficult to explain how it happened, but at my age, I guess I would give an excuse that no one may have actually liked me to be in a relationship. How such a sweet reason; like it’s not my fault, I may really just be that naive or insensitive.

That’s such a lame reason which I simply need to put the blame on others for not liking me. In reality, I think I never really just let myself take a chance with being in love. I feel comfortable with people around me which is a big leap from my introverted self in elementary and high school, though what exactly is one of the factors which led me to my status right now: single.

Forms of Love

There a lot of experiences in life that leads more to just marriage. In our short journey through the passing of years, there are numerous people to share our love with. I believe that not everyone is meant to get married. Yes, others can have a surprising moment where each one meets for a brief time yet not really have the chance to stay together for the rest of their lives.

Love is not just seen in one form. There are different ways to express it. For you, do you only show one kind of love?

Reasons I make to feel good

There aren’t enough reasons to make myself feel good. But, there is even a wonderful experience of learning to love yourself. I never fully understood the meaning of this until I needed to love myself. There were a lot of insecurities that tried to knock me down as I was growing up. It was so easy to compare myself to others around me (and still is). It even turned into making me the worst critic of myself which led to the feeling of me not being enough. There was even a phase in my life when I wasn’t sure about myself and what I can do or even achieve. That was a difficult point to pick me up. Then through the years of enduring numerous experiences and meeting different types of people, I gradually accepted the love coming from my own. Was it easy? Not really, but it was remarkable and refreshing.

Everyone is on a one-way trip through life..png

Adulting: Struggles of Letting Go

Have you ever experienced a day when you just blurt out statements like ‘Shocks, I’m getting old!’ or ‘Seriously? How old are you?’? I have those moments now, but I’m not even close to turning 30. I just hit the sweet quarter of a hundred mark and yet I feel somehow overwhelmed on how ‘adult’ I should be after that particular age. I think of how “Oh dear, my officemate doesn’t know this or that anymore’; ‘The bills are here already!’; ‘I want to do that but I’m tired.’ Don’t those statements just sound sad?

In modern references, it is just a part of ‘adulting’ which everyone in their working years must face. However, as it seems to be a natural thing to happen, why are there a number of us who struggle with it?

Keeping Up with the Young Ones

Get Updated

I think that there are times when the younger generation is catching up so fast in terms of age, but our sentiments are leagues away. This is one factor in how our ‘adulting’ becomes evident, and how this phenomenon seems like a burden. We start comparing our own memories to the ones who we somehow feel like us during those years.

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Love Options Before the New Year Starts

First love, love at first sight, or a love that lasts?

Many may instantly pick the last option because it promises a long time for a certain relationship. There is that hopeful feeling of spending love with someone who would actually stay for a while and not simply go on a bliss. But, how about the other two choices? Are they entirely bad picks for someone who is wishing, waiting, or have already experienced that complex event – love?

For me, not really. Even though I am not able to give reasons based on my own personal accounts, I do know that each of those options I provided has its own good point at a particular time in someone’s life. Let’s say for first love, whether it lasts for a few (who end up together) or it’s only a quick stop for many, has a lesson worth keeping. It is a reminder that you are capable of feeling a distinct connection and affection with someone, may it still be puppy love or a late bloomer’s first look at the concept of love. As a person starts that uncomprehensible sensation of butterflies in the stomach, a dozen tingling of ant-like movements from their feet to their bodies, the rush of blood to their cheeks, and the sudden beating of their hearts – love has arrived. Love has finally stopped by to introduce itself to that person.

Aside from that, there’s that dreamlike love at first sight moment that serves a magical twist to the typical meeting of two individuals. Personally, I don’t believe in this, as I try rationalizing it as simply a manifestation of perhaps an early stage of infatuation. But, I’ve heard friends share their love at first sight experiences, and I thought I have no right to question how they felt and how they faced those instances. It was love for them, and for me, only a person can say to him/herself when he/she is in love. No one else can do that for them. So, with those in mind, I can say that this particular magical moment may be a legitimate sensation and experience for those who actually are more self-aware of their emotions and can clearly identify it as love.

At the end, whichever option someone chooses, it is a personal experience that can only be made clear by that person. There are always lessons to every choice made, memories shared, and emotions felt. I perhaps need to open myself more to these possibilities as I bid adieu to 2017 and spread my wings further in 2018. Sure there would be something interesting to capture as I fill my collection of life experiences as well as fun trials along the way.

I am ready to fall in love

Has anyone really been ready to love?
Is there a certain schedule that you can mark in your calendar and finally set aside for a couple of days, weeks or even months? If there is such a thing, I wish someone could tell me the proper steps right now.

Is there a certain schedule that you can mark in your calendar and finally set aside for a couple of days, weeks or even months? If there is such a thing, I wish someone could tell me the proper steps right now.

Throughout the years, I have learned to simply shrug off the comments of people around me asking, telling, and sometimes, arguing on my current romantic/relationship status. There were moments from high school to my university days that people around me started meeting new circles of friends, enjoyed the companies of other cliques, and dated people they thought were “the one.” Now, I think with the many stories I’ve heard, and first-hand experiences that I’ve witnessed throughout those years, I also learned to stay aloof from the feelings of jealousy as my friends spent more time with their significant others; anger as they share their pains from a failed relationship; and distrust as they introduce new faces with glee and beaming smiles. In that process, I’ve led myself to a comfortable state of sympathy, empathy, and patience. But, there’s that particular feeling that I missed, curiosity.

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Paghihintay sa Alaala

Gaano katagal ang isang taon para makalimot?
Inisip na tama ang naging desisyon
Lumayo para lumago at matuto
Pero ngayon, puso ang nadudurog

Sa kuwento na lamang nakikita
Di man lang sa panaginip nabuo ang alaala
Nagsulat, nanuod, nagbasa, naglaho ng lubusan
Ginawa ang lahat para ikaw ay makalimutan

Pero sa iilang pasaring na lang lumalaya
Bawat litanyang iniiwasan, kalasag ng ngiti ang pananggalang
Mula sa mga kaibigang akalang nakatutulong
Sa pagbibigay ng payo at mga kuwento tungkol sa iyo

Doon, doon na lang bumabalik

Iyon ang maling pagkakaintindi nila
Na ang tayo ay tanging parte ng isang alaala
Higit pa sa mga eksena sa pelikula
Damdamin ko ang sinasabuyan
Ng iba’t ibang pangamba

Kailan kaya matututong lumayo?

Kailan maghihilom ang sugat ng alaala mo?

Ngayon ay hinihintay pa rin
Pagbabalik ng alaala nating dalawa,
Pero mukhang ako na lang ang nag-aabang
Ako na lang muna ang magpapakalaya

Desisyon ko ba ay mali?
Hindi.
Alam kong magiging masaya rin ako sa huli.
—–
Isang tulang isinulat para sa hiling ng isang kaibigan. Sana makalaya na siya.

Still Oblivious but Learning

When he gives you time, does that mean it’s already a sign
That he’s interested in investing his heart?

When he asks about you, does that mean he cares
Or simply an instinct he’s compelled to do?

There are so many possibilities. Different answers, varying timing.

Guard your heart.

Guard your heart to the sudden jolt of emotion.
Guard it against the surprising attention.
Guard but keep yourself open.
Guard but listen.

After all, maybe it’s time to give love a chance.


Thoughts in response to people’s concerns about my (perpetually)  single status and their constant curiosity about my actions toward this matter. These are the questions that I still don’t have answers to, but hopefully, in time, I might finally discover the answers to them. 

Random Reflection of a Busy Panda Bear

Love and Everything in Between– A possibly eye-catching title for a blog post. More clicks, more chances of having new readers, but those don’t matter. This is a random bit of my thoughts to kill the time while waiting for my next class. So, if anyone is interested in reading through this, better have a lot of patience to bring along.

For a couple of weeks, I have been bombarded with too many love posts, heartbreak stories, hugot lines, sudden phone calls from a friend crying over a guy, and many other love-related incidents. This year sure has a lot of the thump-thump of a beating lovebird heart spectacle more than over the last two decades of my life. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been too familiar with the topic when I was younger or that my social circle has simply been exposed to too many sweets, sugary words, and an illusion of romantic circus of a media-centered community.

Love

What is love?

There are seven billion people around the world, including you and me. Put the numbers aside, find a common multiple and bring those together. You’ll get over 3.5 billion pairs regardless of age, gender, race, and many other social standards or classifications.

Many of those pairs live and die without knowing each other. That means whoever you got paired with (in that imaginary computation I did) may never see you or even hear a word about your existence. So, how does this define love? It doesn’t, sort of. I simply want to waste some words and spaces to let me move to the next topic. Please bear with me.

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