Remembering the quarantine

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More than half of the year has passed, and about five months have been under quarantine, from the enhanced community quarantine (ECQ) to modified enhanced community quarantine (MECQ), general community quarantine (GCQ), and so on. Many of us may have gone through different phases of emotional and even physical distress during those times.

I have been fine in the early weeks of quarantine. However, as I needed to work on various school requirements and family concerns, emotions came rushing in with no warning. In those times, I think that the worst experience is when my mind wanders off to past events, dreams, and plans—having the time to reflect also made it challenging to focus on and appreciate the present.

Is it the same with everyone?

I can never present my experiences as the same as everyone else’s. We all have our moments and our ways of facing our giants. We may have similarities in our experiences and the emotions that we carry, yet we can never say that we are the same. Instead, we can declare that we can relate to each one. This global health pandemic has truly left a scar in the hearts of many. A scar that will remind us of the events that brought thousands of deaths, thousands of people jobless, and many more sad memories we have to carry in the coming years. However, does it end there?

During the quarantine, I felt distressed early in the morning when some memories of plans made and canceled, dreams never started, or even simple tasks that I could do anymore greeted me. It did seem that my mind was my worst enemy during those moments. In hindsight, people may think that it is easy to control your mind from presenting those memories. However, that is not the case for me. I believe that our minds, our thinking, serve the most drastic punch to our hearts.

Hope is still there

Despite all those moments of weakness, I am still able to find hope. There are mornings where I pause and let those thoughts accompany me for a while. However, once I get the strength to move, I pray. This moment is where I learned that I need to offer everything to the Lord as I know that I cannot face my giants alone. There is this sense of fear lurking to eat me alive once I welcome it to my day. Yet, as I listen to music, read the Bible, or devotional for the day, I feel reassured by the Lord’s great presence and promise.

This experience may not be the case for everyone right now as we find ways to fight our giants the best we can. However, it is also a good reminder to know that we are not alone in this battle as we have the loving Father to help us, guide us, and walk with us through all these trials. I pray that this new week can bring us peace in our minds and hearts. Happy Sunday!

Sunday Reminiscing

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Almost a decade after graduating from the university, I found jobs which took most of my days away from the routine I used to enjoy as a young, university student. There are times that I wish to simply go back to the moments when life still does not seem too complicated or even too scary to handle as my days would have been filled with classes and requirements to accomplish. However, I accepted the fact that I may never go back to the past anymore, so I simply tried to find my own space to let my younger and full of dreams self take comfort from the world.

In the search for a new yet still familiar environment, I got to explore various online platforms which I tried to visit regularly. Even with a great desire to simply start writing, I got caught up with the fear of not doing anything great. I ended up forgetting about my dreams and I stopped improving my skills. Yet, it is a good realization that I once was in a position where I could dream and enjoy the calming yet also devastating process of writing. Now, should I wish to look back into that part of myself, then I have the different online works I published to check.

It may not even be too late to pick up this routine again and simply get lost in my own thoughts and imaginations; greet my old friends who I try to engage with in my stories. Maybe I will just revisit and revise some of the works to feel that certain adrenaline in putting ideas together and witnessing a body of work come alive. Perhaps, I will get there someday. If not, then here are still the places I can go to for a look into my past self.

Tablo.io ~ A place where I attempted to compile my works and even start a novel. Most of them remain unchanged since I started putting them together. Surely, a sad reality.

TheProse.com ~ Mostly a space for my attempt in writing poetry. It has been an interesting avenue to work on various challenges with prompts that help in establishing a good starting off point for my writing.

Hubpages.com ~ I tried practicing my web content skills in uploading numerous posts here. I might need to try my hand at this kind of topics again to keep me updated with the different web content needs.

Of Weddings and Rainy Days

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As the door opens, the bright shine of the sun gives a quick blinding trap for the guests’ eyes. Right then, as their eyes adjust to the light, they see the silhouette of another bright gem entering the hall. This moment is the start of till death do us part.

How does a wedding’s captivating bride’s first walk become when it’s the rainy season already? Plus, in the middle of a global pandemic, will the wedding bells still ring for the lovely couples out there.

Wedding Bells, Dreams Coming Alive

Tens and thousands of people tie the knot in 12 months. Many pleasant dreams come true each day of the year, yet some worries also begin at that moment.

Is it true that after such a happy moment, teardrops will come after this? That sure is a unique scene to watch as happy cries turn to shouts and painful tears after just a couple of years. Couples endure and push through as the storm comes and goes. Wouldn’t it be a memorable experience to go through this stage together?

Recently, there has been news of celebrity couples separating. Many fans are affected as they learn that the one they thought to be happy ever after love story turns to a messy news break. There sure is a lot still hoping to have their celebrity idols/crushes fight for their “fairy tale” love affair. However, that is not how life goes.

I may not exactly be the best person to talk about this; however, with the people around me and my age, I think I somehow get a better idea of how people make relationships. There is this dream state when everyone is still in the sweet stage of entering a relationship, but then when the “spark” disappears, they end it there as well. Something that I learned from my parents who have had (still have) struggles in their married life, is that staying in a relationship is a commitment that both parties should make.

Commitment and Endings

Quit Facebook for a week? No, that’s too much.

Go on a diet for a month? Halfway through the month, you say, “Nope. This is not for me. I love how I am now.” Then you go stop eating healthier.

There sure are a lot of challenges along the way that make it difficult for you to stay committed to a task that you started in the first place. You may think that it is just a normal phase; however, the often you quit in the middle of such activity, the worse you feel.

The same goes for the commitment in a relationship. Well, not entirely on the same weight of responsibility, but you may have a picture of this by now. Still, no matter the action you wish to put in this kind of scenario, there will always be that little yet painful thorn in the middle of the process. It is a chance where couples need to re-evaluate somehow the way they go through their relationships and later on, their marriage.

Why am I writing a piece about this in the first place? Honestly, it is a simple answer to seeing inspiration from several acquaintances who are getting married. Even my closest friends are engaged by now. ❤

The knowledge of my friends tying the knots somehow gave me that hope for the future that even with the difficulties of today, people will still look forward to the coming new beginnings. With this, I am not saying that couples should all get married. I believe that each one has a unique path to take, distinct moments to experience, and the right time to find their own life goal. Many may not even be the marrying type, that even single-blessedness is a gift from God. This reflection for today is simply a reminder to look at the little blessings that may come into my life every day. It may not be the moment to walk down the aisle and say I do, however, it is a chance for me to realize that there is that sweet delight in seeing people in love and are willing to commit in a relationship. This kind of decision is a glimmer of hope that no matter what happens in the future, and despite a global pandemic, they are willing to take responsibility by promising a lifetime next to their partner. The pouring rain now is welcomed as a blessing instead of a bad omen.

I know many will not agree to these realizations/observations of mine. I welcome those thoughts as it is a time for us to look into our daily lives beyond the walls of our homes. We may still be in quarantine. However, we can always connect with others; choose well who you keep in your circle. There is much negativity out there, yet there are still tons of positive stories, experiences, scenarios, and even people who are just waiting to be discovered. So, let’s look up in the sky and hug the new rain coming as we see the smile form on the bride’s lips as she walks towards the new hope she picked.

My lifesavers of the year

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…there are still a lot of blessings that saved me this year.

It is a lot easier to make ourselves believe that time will pass as we simply live our lives. Yes, this may be the case, yet how well will we ever be able to live then?

There are a lot of worry and sadness still lingering in my mind and heart these past few weeks. Picking up a book or watching a series on my phone do not seem to help this time. I have been distracted. I have this growing longing to work on my plans yet with the current state of the world, it seems that I am stuck.

Losing control

Distractions are difficult to control these days, especially after losing the sense of habit with my daily routines for work and that of my writing. It seems that it is a lot easier to procrastinate by doing other smaller tasks at hand and not facing the important chunk of the writing process.

There has been an attempt (and a continuing struggle) to stay away from any social media applications. However, even after removing them from my device, I still try to check them regularly for updates. I don’t usually reply and you may also notice that I am not an active user of those social media applications, yet I end up being stuck with them. It has somehow been an addiction that has been embodied within my core habits that it is an exhausting feat whenever I try to have a social media detox. After all, we have this great desire to connect with people and be updated. Even though I am not this sociable in person, my small circle of friends sure has a great part in my life. I want to be there for them wherever and whenever possible.

There is that momentary blindness where I could not do anything as I am stuck with the position I am in. I want to be able to free myself from such heavy weight on my back and in my heart.

Feeling down and worthless

There has been an increasing sense of feeling worthless in my mind as I continue waking up to days when I do zero productive stuff for myself. Yes, I am still working and there are tasks as well as some online meetings here and there, yet, I do not feel accomplished most of the time. It is sad writing about this, yet, I know it may sound too much or an exaggerated view of things. Double these conflicting feelings with the type of personality I have, and you get a disastrous combination. It is tough to not criticize myself for being lazy or for accomplishing nothing for a day.

I am struggling in keeping focused on tasks. I have this drive to always multi-task so I end up accomplishing nothing at all. The tasks I try to start working on will mostly end up halfway done or not even at a 20% progress. This is driving me anxious and out of control. It is difficult to fight with my own mind during these times, especially when I am aware of such tendencies. There are days when I cry in bed for simply feeling lost in this seemingly routine less quarantine life.

Taking the small steps

In these trying times, I decided to actively face my mindless worry and habit-building challenge. So, I try taking few small steps to change my mindset on things. I begin each day with prayer and I try my best to commit to a routine that can keep me going. This is when I decided to work on my daily morning devotionals. I have been working on this for a year already, yet I have had long pauses in between when I get too distracted.

I have not fully completed having this routine stuck in my system. I still miss some mornings so I try to work on those at night, before going to bed. It is a refreshing habit to build as I get to communicate with the Lord through prayers and bible verses. There are days that really surprise me as the next lines in my devotionals are the answers I need for the day. It is something that I cannot completely explain yet I know that it is where my faith comes in. Many people may have a different take on this kind of situation, yet for me, having faith in the Lord is a source of strength.

I may still struggle with a lot of the plans I wish to accomplish each day, especially with my writing and my dreams. There are still numerous distractions around me, my books and my new prayer routine get me through those times. I may be chasing too many tasks that I think are productive, and I forget to look into the tasks that matter the most – my relationship with the Lord. I hope to keep track of those little reminders I receive each day with the blessing of life. After all, my ultimate lifesaver this time is my faith and I am learning to love this growing desire to learn more about the teachings of the Lord.

As a reminder of a new day coming, here is one of the songs that have been in my daily playlist. This is a song that reminds me that I have been chosen, and I am loved. Praise be to God!

GOING BACK TO MY PASSION PART 2

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Books and music are some of my lifesavers (and my cats)

There are a lot of wonderful things in life that I tend to neglect when I get too busy or too focused on work (or my worries). It seems difficult for me to simply sit and be grateful for all the different events that happen in my life. I would like to make sure that in this new journey that I will be taking in life, I learn to be grateful for all the blessings – big or small – that are given to me.

With a lot of sadness or even scary news about the concerns of the world, it is not easy to look for the little things that make our day better. It is something that I also struggle with, day in and out. I would like to find that piece of hope in my heart that believes in the better days ahead for all of us. There may still be some moments when I would stumble and forget about this new practice I wish to do; nonetheless, I would like to try.

Struggle in getting back

January 2020 – the start of the new year was already a roller coaster of various local and international news. From the fearful thoughts of Iran and America’s conflict to the bush fires in Australia, then the eruption of the Taal volcano which was later topped by the novel coronavirus (Covid-19) pandemic from Wuhan, China. With all those, the start of the year seemed like a long, exhausting one already. As I tried to work through my tasks as a senior high school teacher, I wasn’t able to go back to writing anymore. I chose to keep an old-school written journal instead. Anyhow, now, I would continue with my story regarding this passion of mine.

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Start of another journey

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In times when everything seemed dried out of life, there are those little workers who keep on doing their part to keep death from turning up one day. Even in life, there are a lot of struggles and even some walls that stop us along the way. However, we can see them as the finish line or we can enjoy the rest and then find a detour to continue our run.

In the years after university, I faced a lot of those walls. I even came to a point where I felt worried and lost. There were moments when I gave up and didn’t see the meaning of the events happening in my life. It was, however, during those lowest moments did I give everything up to the Lord and I rested. It was not an easy journey. I had years of simply worrying about the coming days that I was too stubborn to listen to the Lord’s plan. I wanted to go my way. I wanted to achieve the dreams I thought were right for me to take. Then, only after all those hardships along the way did I enjoy the precious second of surprise as I was still led to a purposeful road which I truly love.

Now, I am still just at the start of that new road and I would like to be one of the workers to help in keeping the belief alive. There are many ways to reach our destination, we just needed some guidance and some recalibration so that we won’t hinder from the one that was designed for us.

Many may not have the same belief as I do, still, it is a good experience to share. It may even be a good chance for others to check on their current place in this run. There sure are a lot of interesting views to see and a number to better understand.

Getting back to writing

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Have you ever experienced being stuck in the neverending cycle of waking up, commuting to work, getting to the office, commuting back home, and then simply just falling asleep?

I never really had this kind of problem before, however, as I get older and as I become more acquainted with the busy work life, it seems like I simply lost the light I once had. For instance, I used to enjoy writing down my thoughts and sharing stories with people around me. Now, with my work related to checking papers, attending meetings, writing down comments on various activities, I can’t seem to find the time to simply sit down and write. In this case, write to me and not for any work-related requirement.

I haven’t been active in any platform consistently, as there is a bunch of available outlets in the entire world wide web. Still, it is good to be able to stick to something and enjoy the moment. I hope to be able to find this space in the vast online community. I know that I may simply just use my laptop’s notes for these, but it is still good to have it available for others to read. Maybe there is one out there who would wish to hear these kinds of sentiments as well. After all, I do sometimes forget that I am not the only one with feelings of such worry, exhaustion, or even a sense of longingness. An emotion that I wish to jump back to right away. With that, I hope that this new note will remind me to simply pause and write my stories again. I may not be (may ever be) a well-known writer out there, but it is still a good opportunity for me to have a voice and give life to the thoughts in my mind. Sometimes, those ideas get too much in my head that they make it impossible for me to accomplish anything productive, in terms of work. So, let this be a start.

It may have been quite late as the strict quarantine period due to the pandemic is about to be lifted. Nonetheless, I hope to be able to juggle all these worries about the current health concerns of the world and that of my little world of life.

Finale

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Waves of thinning memories rush to shore
Surprising me with a thunderous roar
Reminding, remembering for the last time
Before drowning into the dark side

Flashes of familiar faces
Whispers of lovely voices
I know them.
I knew them.
But now, I’m losing every bit of them

Little by little, then
All at once
Drops of water everywhere
Gathered together
Sending me off to my final bed

Soft, white cushion
A shiny cover
With sweet smelling flowers
Thrown above

Remembering

Saying good bye.

Originally posted at https://theprose.com/jmasalgado

Breathe Free

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The soil was made and so was man. Every cell, every breath, every time is the same for everyone else’s, so why not yours?

Experience. Life happens. The pen writes when the storyteller begins to speak. The hour hand turns after minutes have passed and seconds have completed the rounds.

You see, he speaks, she hears, they feel

We all bleed the same in the end

Dreams rushing to the open air
Memories running back for more
Hopes and wishes of years gone by

All bleeds for time to heal, life to come again
Nostalgia in the heart
Logic in the mind
The end is still the end

Originally posted at https://theprose.com/jmasalgado

Crystal Clear Blur

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Genuine smiles come rarely,
Everyone takes their time
Differences shine brighter than ever before

Once the clock strikes three in the morning
The elegant moon bids her farewell, 
The sun risks another early greeting

This, after all, is a unique and mysterious place

It’s crystal clear
The blur between then and now
A life worth living
Gladly becomes a crazy ride

This, after all, is a unique and mysterious place

Originally posted at https://theprose.com/jmasalgado