As I open my eyes to a new morning, music is my go-to companion to set the mood for the rest of the day. I would like to share with you some of the playlists that I usually listen to as part of my daily routine. Perhaps, I can also share other playlists here when I work. Others may be surprised with the different songs here, nonetheless, there is not harm in trying out something new and explore songs that can help us better view the events in our day-to-day lives. ❤

If you would observe both of the playlists I have in this post are from the selected Spotify-made ones. As I do not usually listen to more modern music, I appreciate the convenience of picking on some of the pre-selected songs by this application. It has been a wonderful experience discovering new sets of worship songs that I have not heard of before. Also, as these playlists are regularly updated automatically, that was a sure bonus.

This next playlist may seem odd as I am not fluent in Japanese, however, as I would like to learn this language, I have gradually added Japanese songs to my daily listening picks. I still have yet to fully understand the lyrics yet as some are familiar worship music to me, I am still able to enjoy the entire moment of listening to each one.

The touch of the wind changes through the different seasons. The wind brings delight to those looking forward to the sweet scent of the summer breeze. Others, however, begin trembling as they await the massive gushes of the monsoon time. Are these distinct emotions we feel as we witness the seasons change, something so familiar that we see our lives sway with the wind as well? However, with a closer look, all the emotions are manifestations of our thoughts and worries. The wind simply signals the beginning of the season, but it is us who make use of it, run away from it, or merely ignore those warnings.

As we walk outside our house, there is an unseen threat that has been a concern for millions of people around the globe. We stayed quarantined for more than a year now, yet there has been no certainty that the global pandemic is under control. We simply need to live again and move to the “new normal.” Does this mean that we are safe as long as we follow procedures? Most likely, but it is not a certainty. Dozens of questions flood our minds; tens more come in the form of hopeful sighs. During this time, I think we look at ourselves too closely or too loosely to face challenges rationally. 

With a week of Enhanced Community Quarantine (ECQ) again in the region, has anything changed? Or are we back to square one? The memories of 2020 have yet to be erased from our minds. However, it seems like those memories are simply kept for record-keeping but not a helpful moment for learning any meaningful insights. Now, the pain is getting nearer to home. The COVID-19 pandemic has brought forth the reality that has been with us for a couple of decades already, yet we ignored them for our own comfort. Now, the values that we have mean the most. Yet, those values do not seem to manifest in our decisions, actions, and even wishes for the future. We are living within the storyline of the scariest sci-fi movie we have watched – we have to face reality. However, as I look into the virtual communities, many of us have been running away from the massive extent of the pandemic. Many have dismissed our government’s underlying problems, our communities’ worries, and our people’s living as a whole.

The struggles are becoming too much for individual people to handle. There have been beautiful hearts and generous individuals who have had no more left to give. Even the thought of sharing their time seems too exhausting, as no definite change is seen. At a moment like this, perhaps we can look at ourselves and be critical of our thinking, decision-making, and even aspirations of helping. Maybe once we see our worst enemy in ourselves, we can become the heroes we needed to see in the present reality. Perhaps then we can also look into the environment we live in and realize that there is still hope. We are people who can make it, but not simply because of our so-called resilience, but more so because it is the proper action to take, and we have finally realized its importance. My voice may be weak right now, yet I also carry a load of worry and pain, but I am willing to listen. I am eager to understand the complex emotions that have been bothering me for the past year. 

I know that it is easier to simply dissociate myself from all of the events happening beyond my immediate social, economic, and even communal circle. However, as the rest of the Filipinos continue to face the pandemic’s harsh hits, I could see that my circle would soon be affected. Honestly, I may have only been too afraid to confess the effects of this global concern to my own experiences even though I know that it has hit so hard already. I need to take the small steps to finally manage my own response to the country’s worries and troubles and the region I live in to find comfort and bring forth new aspirations. After all, the months change, but the wind simply signals the beginning of the season, but it is us who make use of it, run away from it, or merely ignore those warnings. 

The hopeful glimmer in my eyes
Just turned to blurry crystal ice
As I head a resounding crack
That signals them to an attack

Unfamiliar greetings I see
Shatter walls inside so slowly
As a child I hid long inside
Finally awakes, who then decides

To break from the family’s care

Yet as the child screams within me
Knowing I cannot let this be
Only a few, new words came out
That showed my entire self-doubt

Gushes of wind pierced through the air
As dusty old sprouts came to bear
Witness to this horrible tale
Of a crybaby doomed to fail

Whose only living for today

The family knows and pretends
After all, it is their own tale
Made from all the random ramblings
Of lies, truth, hope, and prophecy

Why is it that every time I try to start a new day with a positive mindset, I get pulled by the painful grips of reality that I have been living a routine life? There are a lot of supposedly interesting activities out there that are available for me to enjoy. However, I am left with the feeling of unfamiliarity, which is somehow leaning towards fear. Why is it scary to try something for the first time? Why am I not as curious as I once was, or was I always like this growing up?

During the wee hours of the morning, my heartbeat is the loudest sound I hear. I remember being a young girl who was so afraid of the unseen creatures lingering in the dark, so I shut my eyes so tightly while covering myself with my blanket. I was scared of the dark and its creatures, but why was I willing to have my eyes shut and find comfort in the view of my darkness? Was it because it was my choice, and I thought that I have the control then?

Whispers, footsteps, voices of people on the street, all of those become scary in the dark. But, why so?

There sure are a lot of questions in my mind that I have decided to set aside. They are still there, sitting in a corner, pushed back by so many worries, events, and concerns of my so-called reality. However, now, how I long to attend to them once more. Share my new experiences with them as I try to make sense of their existence. How I wish I could still bring back that young, innocent self so I can bring life to the creatures in the dark. I hope to get myself back from this slump and finally weave words, scenarios, dialogues, and even random mischiefs of my friends in the dark. The friends I learned to live when even when I was a child. The images of creatures that live in my imagination perhaps had the most vivid stories that could help others understand the mysteries of the mind and our senses—the sweet and subtle recollection of fear yet maturity. 

Years pass, yet time seems to be shorter as I grow older. Is this brought by the piling up thoughts brought about by the so-called adulthood? As I experience life’s daily offerings, my memories of past events increasingly become blurry at times. These moments bring a sudden jolt to my heart that pierces so violently that it brings tears to my eyes. However, even if this has now become my present, I still have hope that I am clinging to so I could continue. A promise that tomorrow is another chance to enjoy what I have at the moment. An opportunity to still share another new memory with my loved ones. There may even be many lingering questions of whys and what-ifs. However, I am trying my best not to let the past dictate my decisions. I chose to relearn the practice of living at the moment gradually. I would love to share my ideas with the ones who are willing to be with me. I would love to continue learning more about myself and the possibilities within my reach. I know that it would not be an easy task to accomplish, yet I am willing to leap. I cannot bring the past back; however, I can use the learning experiences to build the self I would like to see. There may still be new sets of whys and what-ifs along the way, but it is good that I now know the need to face them. That there is also a need to let go when it is time.