Finale

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Waves of thinning memories rush to shore
Surprising me with a thunderous roar
Reminding, remembering for the last time
Before drowning into the dark side

Flashes of familiar faces
Whispers of lovely voices
I know them.
I knew them.
But now, I’m losing every bit of them

Little by little, then
All at once
Drops of water everywhere
Gathered together
Sending me off to my final bed

Soft, white cushion
A shiny cover
With sweet smelling flowers
Thrown above

Remembering

Saying good bye.

Originally posted at https://theprose.com/jmasalgado

Breathe Free

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The soil was made and so was man. Every cell, every breath, every time is the same for everyone else’s, so why not yours?

Experience. Life happens. The pen writes when the storyteller begins to speak. The hour hand turns after minutes have passed and seconds have completed the rounds.

You see, he speaks, she hears, they feel

We all bleed the same in the end

Dreams rushing to the open air
Memories running back for more
Hopes and wishes of years gone by

All bleeds for time to heal, life to come again
Nostalgia in the heart
Logic in the mind
The end is still the end

Originally posted at https://theprose.com/jmasalgado

Crystal Clear Blur

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Genuine smiles come rarely,
Everyone takes their time
Differences shine brighter than ever before

Once the clock strikes three in the morning
The elegant moon bids her farewell, 
The sun risks another early greeting

This, after all, is a unique and mysterious place

It’s crystal clear
The blur between then and now
A life worth living
Gladly becomes a crazy ride

This, after all, is a unique and mysterious place

Originally posted at https://theprose.com/jmasalgado

Quarantine Update: What has changed?

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Two weeks have passed already for the Metro Manila quarantine. Today is the last day of March, and there are still hundreds of thousands of people all around the world who are fighting the epidemic. How exactly did we end up with this enhanced community quarantine (ECQ)? This happened due to the country’s response to the COVID-19 epidemic that has been a great concern globally.

A lot of people, including myself, are safe at home to observe social distancing – an action to help lessen the chances of spreading the virus. The initial epidemic turned into a global pandemic as assessed and declared by the World Health Organization (WHO). Amidst this situation, Filipinos here and in various countries are fighting together to overcome this global health emergency. Despite these events now, many people in quarantine are finding ways to stay positive. I also try my best to remember the blessings I receive every day.

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Keeping records

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There are a lot of news coming in and out of various platforms, and as a means to cope with this situation, I find it a good use of time to edit some of my long forgotten videos. 😅

Amidst the global epidemic, there are a lot of memories in this lifetime that I would like to remember.

Care to check them out?

You can also check my other works in Instagram and Facebook. 😊

Mindless, Boundless

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Why so serious? 
The veins in your hands keep tapping
Reminding you of daybreak
You pick a fork to cut them out
But, they keep fighting for life

Why so serious again?
Bothered by the sound of the wind
Reminding you of your own breathing
You block the windows with iron bars
But, the wind whistles through the gaps

Why, you ask again?
With open eyes, you see the sunrise
Reminding you of yesterday’s miseries
You pick a chair to stop the memories
But, you heard a knock, once and twice

Why are you smiling now?
A stranger’s voice passes through the wall
“Hello? Is anyone there?” 
You want to say hi
But, you could only tap the wall once
“Good. Let’s be friends for a while.”

Why smiling looks good now?
You kicked the chair to the side
Pressed your face to the wall
Listened to the wind from the gaps
Felt the tapping of your veins
Followed the rhythm of the other one’s breathing

Good. 
Count to three.
Why so serious?

Going Back to my Passion Part 1

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Wala ka na bang ibang trabaho? (Don’t you have another job?)

That was a striking question that I received from my doctor last March 2019 when I went to have my check up because I had been having difficulties speaking. I thought then that it may just be a swollen throat as I had been speaking for hours on end due to my job. I really thought that I would only need a couple of days of medication and then I’d be fine. I wasn’t ready for that question of my doctor. It made me rethink of the various tasks I had at work. I love teaching, however, I had to ask myself if I should continue or not. This moment was definitely a heavy one for me as the first months of the year had me emotionally and mentally drained.

Roller-coaster of choices

Growing up, I had always thought of my mother’s work as interesting and fun. It was a job that seemed to have a lot of interesting activities as well as stories to tell every day. I truly enjoyed watching my mother prepare for her classes, not knowing how difficult that was. So, with that kind of background, I wanted to be a teacher as well.

However, as the years passed by, I met an aunt who graduated with a degree in accountancy. She lived with us for a couple of years, which had me thinking that I wanted to be like her. Then so during the latter years of my elementary, my dream profession changed.

A few more years and I entered high school where I had to be in the special science section. I had to learn various advance classes from mathematics, statistics, research, and the sciences. With that condition, I had to wake up at around 3:00 am, work on some last minute class homework, and prepare for my commute. I had to make sure that I arrive at school before 7:00 am and go home by 5:30 pm.

Yes, that schedule was my day-to-day routine, not including the travel time going to and coming from school plus the after hours group activities as well as weekend practices for other extracurricular ones. Where did I get my energy then? I think it was a wonderful decade of my childhood. 😀

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Step 3 in Retrieving my Lost Time – Jump

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Have you ever experienced feeling anxious because you are in the middle of deciding the next step you wish to take in life? Was there ever a time when you couldn’t function because you are full of worries because of your mistakes?

Those moments happened to me, too often than I’d hope for, but I needed to face them. Even though, at their extremes, I couldn’t accomplish any tasks that I have in my list, I still try my best to calm down and refocus my view. After all, it is my decision to move forward to matter what the outcome would be like.

Relax and Accept

This year, I mostly depended on numerous TV series and shows that I could get my hands on whenever I turn on my phone. This became a deadly habit already for my productivity. This may not be the same thing with others who are experiencing tension or unproductive moments as we have different ways of procrastination. I think that it is important for us to accept the fact that we are currently in a state of slump.

I only recently realized that when I try to fight against my unproductive tendencies, the more drained I become. This is something that I fought my way against time. However, as I got used to the habit of procrastination, it is difficult to change my ways already. Honestly, it took me weeks to finish to blog post as I, not surprisingly, procrastinated.

It’s not because I have been lazy, instead, it is because I let worries become my constant companion. With those unsettling ideas accompanying me regularly, it sure is difficult to focus and be better in time. That is why it is important to accept the defeat at this stage so that I may be able to plan a good move for my next step.

Start the Move

After accepting the fact that I have not been doing well and findinng out the reason behind such, I need to start planning and working out steps to help me get back on track. It’s not going to be easy, but it is going to be worth the try. As I truly want to get myself back to a productive state with peace in my mind.

For this, I plan to do small steps that can start up my engine to do well. I slowly put in extra minutes in, well for one, writing this blog post. I may know that this post may not be that well written as before or as I wish it to be, this is a great way to find myself jumping back to my old state. It’s never going to be late to start something again. Something that I know will help me feel better and appreciate my purpose in life better than now.

Lettuce of Love

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Red roses turn dark all over
Leaves fall on the grounds
Heavy footsteps approach
With the crisp break of dry leaves
It’s the season again of cleaning up
And making quick deals
To see the colors of red,
Blue, and purple all around

Pack all the songs of youth
For a strength unknown
Bring the lively drums
Of the beating heart of a child
For today is another day
Of lovemaking of gods
When one tells the other
To hide all the colors
Under a shirt or two
And keep the mystery of love

Step 2 in Retrieving my Lost Time – Grace

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Start with grace and appreciation for even the smallest action. Just as I open my eyes, I need to give grace to the Lord. I must say my gratitude for giving me another day to live and to witness the wonders of life here on Earth. It may be difficult to get up at times, but I need to remind myself that the Lord still gave me another chance; to change or to find another reason to pursue an act that will make me want to continue living.

If money was not a concern, I would have chosen to write stories and become a professional writer. However, it might take me a few more years to jump into that road and work my way to achieving such a goal. I need to earn to provide for my family. It was not specifically asked by my parents, but as the eldest child in the family, I think that I need to do as much as possible as to help.

Filipino Mindset of Helping Out

Recently, I had been in a seemingly infinite cycle of worrying because of my current financial status. I felt drained both physically and emotionally that I couldn’t focus on accomplishing anything. I think that with almost a decade after attending university, I am in a limbo. This is further heightened by my own personal want of providing well for my family.

As the “Ate” (older sister) in the family, the first four years of my career were set to help out in financing my siblings’ college education. My parents didn’t ask me to provide for everyone. It was on my own decision that I opted to give a portion of my salary for them. Honestly, I didn’t earn that much, almost just a bit higher than minimum wage, but I felt contented. It was not later on, when I reached 25 that I suddenly felt that “Woah, wait. I need to look after myself. I am not getting any younger.”

That statement may seem exaggerated as my sister only started work at the age of 24, but thinking of the dreams that I set aside, yes, my circumstances now seem a bit worrisome. Nonetheless, I didn’t exactly mind it as I grabbed a job that seems to be a passion that I would truly be happy with – teaching.

Passion over Finances is not enough

Teaching was wonderful. I enjoyed engaging with my students, sharing experiences, and even being strict in class. However, this didn’t last long as I got burned out with financial worries. Don’t get me wrong, finances aren’t the only things that matter in life, I know. However, being able to have enough and provide properly for the family is a crucial factor in staying in a job. Also, having to carry a load that isn’t even part of my job description is somehow too much. Okay, let’s be honest; a teacher isn’t an eight to five job as there are a lot of in between scenarios to take care of during the entire school year. However, being asked to juggle too many tasks at the same time with some of which should have been shouldered by others, that is too much.

Also, compensation wise, it won’t make ends meet that easily. Though I am truly grateful for the experience as it also helped make me more mature and more responsible in the way that I handle events in my life. I think that I need to find a way to help me meet this passion of mine. First by completing the required units to take the licensure examination (credentials and titles are still such a big thing in the Philippine setting; understandable as we are supposed to be professional). Then to pass the board.

For now, I am just grateful to the Lord for all the realizations that I have had for the past months. I have to be committed to seeing this through no matter how difficult or how long it may take.