I’m okay, so please understand

I don’t regularly post about my personal experiences online. There’s no urgency or even the need to share anything about my daily routine or some of the fascinating moments I get to do during the day. But today, it’s different. Not that I suddenly accomplished some extraordinary project, it’s simply difficult to keep the thoughts to myself. My friends also have their own concerns that I so gladly listen to, oh so regularly now. Worries of making mistakes to the woes of the heart.

Dozens of people around me look so happy. Yes, they are. That’s good. I am, too.

This is going to be random, so bear with me if you are still interested in reading. 

I listen. I do. I understand most of the time and I try my best to stay longer; reading between the lines or even beyond those. So, whenever people around me start to share, I keep quiet or give a couple of short responses to let them know that I’m still with them. Not simply nodding in approval with those wandering all over the place. They don’t look for someone to butt in after every statement. They want ears to hear their thoughts, arms to grab them for a long hug or even just another being willing to spend some time with them.

This is a common and proper courtesy to give to anyone who wants to share their feelings. How I wish I also get the same from new friends I meet.

Nowadays, I’m not sure why almost everyone around starts to have their unbearable troubles with relationships, love, emotions, commitment, and the likes. It’s okay to think about these things at times, it’s just that I’m being “exposed” to so many of these for weeks now. IT’S DRAINING.

Though the situation may sound dreary already, there’s still something worse. I get to share my own “love concerns.” This is where things don’t seem too well on my part.

When people get surprised, they talk A LOT. We (yes, including myself) tend to overreact to situations/events/experiences that seem unusual based on our own “standards” because we try to find the meaning behind those scenarios. So, it’s no surprise that people who hear me share about my SSB (single since birth) status freak out most of the time. Some are better in hiding their surprise while others, not so much. Honestly, that’s not bad but when they end up giving me lectures, love advice, not believing a word I say or even frankly asking me questions like Anong problema sa iyo? (What’s wrong with you?). Damn! Those words sting.

At the end of the conversation, the problem of being single is undoubtedly part of my actions or even simply of my being.

I smile and stay as polite as I could be, but when I remember those moments, it hurts. I have my own insecurities, flaws, mistakes, and other worries to carry on my shoulders. I may look so jolly most of the time and shrug those comments off, but how I hope that people can become more sensitive.

Looking intimidating, being strong, trying to be outspoken, staying in touch with friends… Since when did these traits become a negative characteristic of a person? Though, intimidating isn’t that much of a friendly impression. Still, I don’t think that I’m strange. Everyone is strange depending on each individual standard. I can be random, chatty, and importunate, but I know my boundaries. This doesn’t mean that being in a relationship is …

I think this is going to be a long rant, so will keep some for intimate talks with friends. Just wanted to put some of my thoughts for a while, online. In public.

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Published by

J. M. Salgado

This is for the unraveling thoughts of a Filipina trying to understand the creatively altered life of herself and the environment that she lives in. Learning to live the life through writing.

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