Fickle

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Raindrops keep on tapping my window. They try to go through the roof. Each drop stays on the glass and leave for a while. I simply stare and bare the cold covering my feet, going up my legs. I lay lazily on the sofa, trying to scribble some profound words of wisdom. But as my senses come back to life, I can see the empty pages I made. Almost a hundred empty pages, stories of my life, written with a pen with no ink to breathe in life.

I never really saw the pen, I only like the feeling of holding it tight and scribbling some words to describe my day. Some days are almost always the same. Some days are very different that I have to fetch a dictionary to guide my through my writing. Other days are just too tiring for me to even hold the pen. They just stay in my memories.

I really want to see the world, but I’m too lazy to take a step. Too fragile to try and see things for myself. I simply get the remote control and switch on the tube. Now, I can be anywhere in the world.

I’m not really sure if it’s laziness that leads me to my misery. More than that, I think it’s actually fear. It’s devouring my whole being, chopping my feet, legs, and arms to make me immobile. It’s numbing my whole body, slowly but precisely. Soon, I hope not, but soon it might find my heart  and make it numb, broken, or dead.

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Erasures

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If only time could tell me why

I’m choosing to be crazy at times

Always trying to find a rhyme

To describe my sad, lonely life

I do have friends around me

But I don’t see them much often

Still I appreciate their company

Saving me the time for my worries

Old fashion as it may seem

Writing has been my friend

And sometimes enemy

Keeping me sane to my insanity

Limits

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No break in between doesn’t make John a dull boy

No break in between makes John jump to a pit of fire

Anger, hatred, and pity sucks the life within

I have to go away to keep myself safe

Living for today is not enough

I have to live for the rest of my life

Holding back these emotions

Will rot the being I kept pure

I have to let go

Holding back the tears

This is the hardest part to keep

Sadness, fear, happiness, and anger

They all make me tear up

Others I cannot keep,

Others I consciously fight back.

Stretching my limits

Carrying me away from my being

Lazy Days

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Jenny wakes up at six in the morning

Stares at the blue sky above

Closes her eyes and goes back to her dreams

She is safe, she feels safe

Half past six in the morning

She feels the sting from the burning sun

It’s time to work, time to walk

She taps her skirt to straighten it

“I’m ready.”

The roads are filled today

Busy as always, she thought

The horns erupting from here ’til the end

Drivers shouting everywhere

“Roads are closed ahead. Alternate routes.”

Jenny smiles.

Early OT for her work

She walks near a black SUV

Knocks on the window

Waits for the response

Knocks again. Quiet.

“The third’s the last.”

None.

Empty hand

Empty stomach

It’s eight and she got four pesos in her hand

The traffic jam is gone

She walks to another street

Ignoring some shadows talking

“Her parents must be lazy”

“How could they let her find money for them”

“Such a pity”

Jenny walks

Squeezing the 10 pesos

It’s nine-thirty.

Empty stomach

Empty streets

Jenny’s lazy parents,

as the shadows said,

Are lying still under

some burned woods behind

The slums were burned the other night

Twenty more families fled,

many children left

Some were kept under the rubble.

She feels safe,

abandoned.

Safe is a lie.

She’s eight and it’s her first day of work

She got 10 pesos, but left alone in this world.

Books for November

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This month I surely enjoyed the pleasure of buying these hard-to-find books. ^^

This serves as my early Christmas gift for myself . Unless, other wonderful books or some great planner come along later this month.

JpegMost of these books I remember from my childhood. I mostly remember them through movies which I think I had seen in VHS (Video Home System) tapes. Most probably many younger people now are not even familiar with that system. Well, that was my memory before the rise of CDs, DVDs, and of course the torrent generation. 😉

It was worth finding these books and reminiscing the happy years. I cannot believe that my book collection is really starting to grow. I actually had other purchases from book sales last August and September. Well, this hobby is definitely a hard one to outgrow.

Books! Books! Books!

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Books that I got for the months of August and September. All from sale and from second-hand bookstores. I got all these books for roughly Php 1,200. This really made me a happy lady. ^^