A Trip to Loving Myself More

Everyone is on a one-way trip through life. Whether you believe in reincarnation, it won’t happen until another lifetime. 

Love poems, love notes, lovers hugging, billboards reminding of love and romance, romantic TV series and movies; there sure is romance everywhere. But, why does it seem difficult to love me? With the numerous stories passed on from generations to generations, there seems to be that innate need for people to find a partner to “complete” themselves. Have you ever felt lost because of such an idea? I know with me, I have, had, still having those thoughts.

Let me take this as a starting point for my weekly series which I would like to feature in this blog for the month of October: Dreamer’s Confession. With dozens of dreams in my head, wouldn’t it be great to try and explore the possibilities of finding an outlet for them?  Aside from the dreams, there are like hundreds of doubts in my heart which I need to express before fully facing my dreams. With that, the first on the list is love.

Love: Am I lacking it?

Where should I start? For you, where would you start when people ask you about your romantic endeavors or perhaps your own love story?

In my case, I can’t really share anything as my experiences are extremely limited with just my elementary to college crushes. Yes, I am one of the lucky thousands (are we really that many?) who have never been in a relationship. It is somehow difficult to explain how it happened, but at my age, I guess I would give an excuse that no one may have actually liked me to be in a relationship. How such a sweet reason; like it’s not my fault, I may really just be that naive or insensitive.

That’s such a lame reason which I simply need to put the blame on others for not liking me. In reality, I think I never really just let myself take a chance with being in love. I feel comfortable with people around me which is a big leap from my introverted self in elementary and high school, though what exactly is one of the factors which led me to my status right now: single.

Forms of Love

There a lot of experiences in life that leads more to just marriage. In our short journey through the passing of years, there are numerous people to share our love with. I believe that not everyone is meant to get married. Yes, others can have a surprising moment where each one meets for a brief time yet not really have the chance to stay together for the rest of their lives.

Love is not just seen in one form. There are different ways to express it. For you, do you only show one kind of love?

Reasons I make to feel good

There aren’t enough reasons to make myself feel good. But, there is even a wonderful experience of learning to love yourself. I never fully understood the meaning of this until I needed to love myself. There were a lot of insecurities that tried to knock me down as I was growing up. It was so easy to compare myself to others around me (and still is). It even turned into making me the worst critic of myself which led to the feeling of me not being enough. There was even a phase in my life when I wasn’t sure about myself and what I can do or even achieve. That was a difficult point to pick me up. Then through the years of enduring numerous experiences and meeting different types of people, I gradually accepted the love coming from my own. Was it easy? Not really, but it was remarkable and refreshing.

Everyone is on a one-way trip through life..png

Wednesday Poetry

It seems like a late start, but I hope to bring life back to my blog. I haven’t written anything in the past couple of months as I simply tried to find better ways to adjust to my teaching job. Now, I will try to begin a new routine to bring myself back to writing. I hope to continue with this. As a first, let me leave this one here:

Good Morning

Adulting: Struggles of Letting Go

Have you ever experienced a day when you just blurt out statements like ‘Shocks, I’m getting old!’ or ‘Seriously? How old are you?’? I have those moments now, but I’m not even close to turning 30. I just hit the sweet quarter of a hundred mark and yet I feel somehow overwhelmed on how ‘adult’ I should be after that particular age. I think of how “Oh dear, my officemate doesn’t know this or that anymore’; ‘The bills are here already!’; ‘I want to do that but I’m tired.’ Don’t those statements just sound sad?

In modern references, it is just a part of ‘adulting’ which everyone in their working years must face. However, as it seems to be a natural thing to happen, why are there a number of us who struggle with it?

Keeping Up with the Young Ones

Get Updated

I think that there are times when the younger generation is catching up so fast in terms of age, but our sentiments are leagues away. This is one factor in how our ‘adulting’ becomes evident, and how this phenomenon seems like a burden. We start comparing our own memories to the ones who we somehow feel like us during those years.

Continue reading

Hinga, May Isa Pa

Sa pagsayaw ng liwanag ng kandila sa ating harapan
Pakaliwa’t pakanang pagsabay sa ating bawat paghinga
Minsan inaakala nating patapos na ang problemang noo’y nagpahirap
Sa puso nating punong-puno na ng di magagandang alaala
Na may iilang natirang peklat katabi nang unti-unting naghihilom na sugat

Kaso sa bawat hakbang pasulong at sa paglapat ng liwanag
Dahan-dahang nagbabalik ang hapdi sa mga gasgas na naghilom
Na ipinanalangin natin nang taimtim na sana’y di na magbalik
Pero ngayo’y nagbabadyang muling bumukas at magpahirap
Na muling kikirot habang pilit nating huwag pansinin

Kaya yata talaga matalinghaga ang takbo ng ating tadhana
Minsan ang liwanag kasi’y natatakpan ng mga ulap
Na pilit naman nating itinataboy sa pag-ihip
Ng mainit na hiningang nagsasabing

Ako at ika’y buhay pa

Na ano man ang mangyari, may isa pa tayong panangga
Ang huminga at magpatuloy sa pagharap sa kung ano pang ibato ng tadhana

Matuto rin tayong magpahinga upang tayo ay makalaya
Ihanda ang ating mga mata sa pagmasid sa paglubog at pagsikat ng araw
Magasgasan mang muli, kumirot mang muli ang ating mga puso
Mabulag man saglit sa kislap ng liwanag ng mga nakaraan
Tayo ay magpapatuloy, may isa pa tayong hininga

Seeing Colors – Job, Travel, and Life

Seeing colors

There are a lot of things that I wish I knew, I hope I can still do, and I want to pursue. But at the end of the day, there are just too many to pick and I end up accomplishing nothing. Still, with the hope in my heart and the desire to finally put into work whatever ideas are screaming out of my mind, I take little steps. In those little steps, I learn, and later I see the beauty of a colorful set of life-worthy experiences that help in building the person I am now. Frankly speaking, I do like the way I am now (though there is a number I still want to improve).

Continue reading

Plan for 2018

[UPDATE 06/11/2018] This is still a plan and I was not able to really make this into a concrete action. But, it’s never too late to start. Maybe I can finally work on new posts starting this week up to maybe two to three months? 😉


Tutubi, tutubi, magmadali’t makipot riyan sa tabi
Bakit iba na ang daloy nang iyong paglipad?
Sumasayad at nangangapa sa lupa ang iyong mga palad

Dahan-dahang maglakad paroon sa paaralan
Dahil ang mangmang ay wala raw masasandalan
Maging ang ilang makukulay na paruparo
Sa kung saan-saan na laging nagsisitakbo
Ngayong nakagapos ang mga pakpak
Pilit kinakabisado ang numerong nakatatak
Sa kanilang noo na nagsasabi kung saan sila mapapadpad

Imulat mo ang iyong mga mata at tainga
Magmasid, makinig, magdasal nang taimtim
Di na ito tulad nang kinagisnang lansangan
Kung saan naghahanap lang ng aratiles sa daan

Alitaptap, alitaptap, ang dulo mo’y kumikislap
Hinahanap-hanap mo ba ang pangarap sa sulok-sulok
Ng siyudad na dahan-dahan nang nilamon ng alikabok?

Maging mga mangmang ay palaging may alam
Pagdating sa sinasabi nang iilan sa karamihan
Ni hindi na mabilang ang totoong nagtutulungan
Pero alamin mo pa ring may kislap na ikaw lang ang nakaaalam

Imulat mo lang ang iyong mga mata at tainga
Magmasid, makinig, magdasal nang taimtim
Darating din ang iyong pagkawala
Sa isang gapos ng nakaraan
Maging isang paruparong makulay
Isang tutubing mabilis sumabay
Sa pagbabago pero nananatiling matatag
Isang alitaptap na kumikislap
Nagpapaganda sa dilim na dala ng gabi

Alitaptap, alitaptap, ang dulo mo’y kumikislap
Tutubi, tutubi, magmadali’t makipot riyan sa tabi
Maging ang ilang makukulay na paruparo
Magsasama-sama sa pagpapatuloy,
Sa pagbabago, sa pagkawala sa gapos

Kikislap ang umaga sa kulay ng mga pakpak
Kikislap ang liwanag sa mga matang matitingkad
Kikislap ang gabi dala ng natatanging ilaw
Na di madaling makita sapagkat ilan lamang
Ang may tulad na kislap dala ng kanilang pangarap
Sana isa ka sa kanila, ngayon o bukas
Di mo kailangan magmadali
darating ang iyong paglipad, pagkislap

Broken, but working

Today is the first time I broke my phone’s screen. I dropped my phone with the front screen facing the ground. My heart didn’t really skip a bit but then I was surprised that even with the tempered glass, the actual phone screen shattered (Maybe I am exaggerating on that part, but still).


This is just a phone, what more if it was me that was broken…

It is Monday morning. There are a lot of things I have in mind to make the entire day productive and I am actually excited to work on those until I dropped my phone. It has been with me for less than six months and I have a lot of important data in it. The cover of it is broken, but the apps and the keys are still working well. Just like me, there are scars and scratches, but I am still living.

Continue reading

Loving Life One Step at a Time

How to truly love life?

There are times when struggles come hitting the door of my heart so hard that I end up curled up in bed, crying the pain away. As I grew older, those instances lessened; but when they arrive, they seem worse than before. There are a lot of confusion in my mind that somehow it made me numb. Until recently, I was not free from those moments but gradually I had overcome them (and still trying my best to overcome them).

One thing, however, remains constant which is my search for peace. I usually get those whenever I am with friends as well as with my mom (whenever we get to talk). Then, I thought that was it. I was wrong. There were more questions that started bugging me continuously through the years.

A Decision Worth Making

Not until the latter days of 2017 did I realize to make a step to face this problem. I got back to God.

Continue reading